Still wandering

But don’t know what to say……
Whom to say….

Sorry, again here.

I fell into the darkness again. No matter how hard i try, i am not getting out ?
The more hard i try, the more insane i become.

I am completely out of control.

I don’t know how longer i can hold it.

Oh My LuV ! Days are darker without you, night still
Wind is not moving anymore,
And water feels as dry as rocks
If it meant, me without you
Than It’s must the death bed, I’m lying on.

Oh My LuV ! Come to me for one last time….
Come to me before I lost my last breath.

Everyday I die inside a little bit more than yesterday.
Everyday I loose my sanity little more than yesterday.
I don’t know how close I am to losing my mind completely ?
I can’t concentrate on anything.
I am mentally ill.
Fighting alone with myself.
Everyday I loose.
But I am not defeated yet, I think.
But the way things are going, it seems like soon I’m gonna be defeated.

Hi Guys 🙂

I am going thru a rough phase.

But right now I’m feeling more better than little bit better.

And the credit goes to… playdead4fun

Yeah Right. That’s a refreshing post for me
Something hit me hard. Specially that sentence.
This one : “Things are better not because they really are better but because I decided that things and people won’t keep affecting me as they were”.

Everyone needs to analysis thier situation. Put more real efforts instead of beating about the bush.
I’m not judging anyone here when I said, “beating about the bush”.
Well It’s okay. That’s the part of therapy too. We need to […]

Tired of Being a Good Human Being.
Tired of Being a Kind Person.
Tired of Being Unwanted.

I am tired of waking up everyday. Fighting each and every day.

No one cares.

NO ONE.

They just make me feel like they care. But actually they don’t.
Because if they really care, I wouldn’t be here.

Sharing my emotions with some strangers.

I am tired.

I wanna die now.
I don’t wanna fight anymore.

Last night I was having conversation with my love of my life.
She was taking about kids. Our future kids.
I told her I don’t like kids very much.

Now I kinda feel guilty for that.

She said, what you are ?
You don’t like animals (pets) and now you don’t lile kids also ?

And now I’m feeling guilty for my statement.
But still, I stand for what I said.
Kids are huge responsibility.

Just because I don’t like kids very much, DOES THIS MAKE ME AN EVIL PERSON ?

It’s been so long now.
Too many psychotic episodes.
I wanna die now.
I can’t handle the pain anymore.

PLEASE KILL ME NOW.

I feel energy less almost 24×7.
I’m again active on SP but yet so not active.
I replied on few post here.
And while replying those post, I thought, I would post a post named, “Few basic steps to fight depression”.
But I don’t have engery to make that post.
And these days, my mind is completely exhausted. I feel kinda like high on marijuana. (I don’t do drugs)

Well it’s request to all of you…
Please make that post which I couldn’t make.

And… include “Selfcare” in that post.
Give top priority to selfcare.
And also add some other basic stuffs like…
Morning walk… ( […]

I was calculating something.
Well, I was calculating life.

considering environmental and other factors. .. if I say, 55 -60 years is average life of a human then it would be generous.

I am 28 years.  Means, I have lived half of my life.
And this really sad. Because I haven’t lived half of my life. I just wasted it. I didn’t do anything.

It’s really sad.

I just can’t accept it that I really have wasted half of my life.

And I was alone and depressed since I was 12…  that means I spent more than half of that half life in depression. And almost 10 years in […]