I have no reason to lie. I’m not a liar…never been good at it. I’m a good man. Everyone I’ve met I’ve helped and loved but I’ve been treated really really badly all my life. I’m 53 and from the moment I was born and my physically and psychologically violent father trashed me, to sexual abuse from another family member, to cancer at 17yrs old, to 3 near death experiences, to disability, to 8 abusive relationships (that totally broke me), to 3 suicide attempts, self harm and the list is actually over 50 separate life changing events I can no longer live. I’m broken now…I […]
Only one thing. Only one person matters so much to me. Well that’s not entirely true but what if THE most important person you can think of is long gone?
…are the last bastions of a scoundrel.
Only one love for me. I’m devastated he’s gone…lost without him. Would do anything to get him back…anything.
Yeah well I’m gonna be the first and I’m going to alienate some people here, but we, in Australia, just lost a visionary in Gough Whitlam. Wow, what a mark he left on our land and our consciousness. He was a visionary and a reformist. To some he made have tried to do too much but what a legacy he left in just a short time. Not many people get to do what he did and I personally want to bring his achievements to this site. Please explore this great man in Australian politics. Few get the chance to make their mark…he did. Vale Gough […]
I always lose. No matter what the situation I will always lose. I don’t know what winning feels like. It’s destroying me. All my major life stages have been marked by serious catastrophic events. It’s soul destroying. My use by date is coming up.
…it was my life. So yesterday I had to spend the day going through mum and dads things, mum died recently and dad’s off to a nursing home, and came across all this childhood stuff. Do you think I could find something that didn’t remind me of some kind of hell growing up? Nup. Then I found stuff mum had kept with my cancer diagnosis and treatment, all this paperwork (I was 17), disability and deformity and yeah it was like reliving a nightmare. Yep I remember the hardship, the death defying years, decades, the taunts, abuse, stares and ridicule…hang on they’re still happening in […]
I know from experience what getting close to that moment is. I know it emotionally and physically. I have the means. I’ve just got some family matters to sort out and then there’s nothing standing in my way. It’s liberating, THAT moment.
It must feel good to be perfect and superior to everyone else…tell me, what does that feel like? I’ll never know…ever.
I can only give my heart to one. You know, I know, who that is. What do you do if that’s not going to happen?
On the margins is no happy place and not where I wanted or dreamed of being. It gets lonely and desperate out there on the margins. I wish it were different…but what can I do? Become a hermit?
I will never feel his touch
I miss him so much
His absence I feel
His love I appeal
The love I gave
I take to the grave
My heart doth break
By the love you take
If you only knew
The love you drew
I gave a plenty
But now am empty
You have my heart
For as long we part
Never one like you
Impossible to renew
You cannot tell
I’m an empty shell
LOVE YOU ALWAYS
For all the OZ and NZ fans….good to se;e after 43 years the bunnies won!! Maybe some of us underdogs may take the same result as inspiration to further our lives…unless like me we’re too far gone 🙂
People say that just having been born is a miracle…but what if your life has just seemed like a constant unrelenting series of break and enters. That’s how I feel. All of my major stages of life right from early childhood have just been marked with catastrophic events. I’ve posted before what’s happened to me so I won’t go into that again <hears cheers>. I’ve had two psychologists tell me that I’m the worse case they’ve seen. One even told me that even though she’s trained not too feel her patient’s pain she told me that my case affected her. That’s no lie. At 53 […]
I’ll be home soon mum. We’ll be where no man can hurt us. I juts gotta see dad right first then I’ll come home ok. Love you xx.
Well, I’ve certainly thought about suicide long enough and after 3 attempts I sure know how to cross the psychological line, to push through the barrier, to take my own life. So why do it? Well, here’s why…
– Abuse as a child. Now, whilst that may kill some all on it’s own believe it or not it’s not the only reason. Just one of a long long list of abuses I’ve endured
– Cancer at age 17. Battled that for 5 years and still carry significant issues 35 years later. One doctor butchered me so bad that even other doctors asked “Who did that to you?”. […]