LetItGo

Hi Guys,

I know being on here isn’t good for me. But I just had to write. So you wouldn’t worry. Well maybe you don’t care. Or worry. *shrugs* I guess most of you just pass this post because it seems to be long. I don’t really care. It’s just nice to write my feelings down somewhere. Even if no one reads this. It’s just nice.

So today I woke up late. Felt suicidal. Got a terrible headache and I couldn’t take any pain pills because I don’t trust myself with that kind of stuff. I then had to proceed to go on a 5 hour car […]

I guess you’re busy
I guess you don’t care
I guess you’re busy
I guess it doesn’t matter
I guess I shouldn’t bother you
I guess I shouldn’t tell you my problems
I guess I shouldn’t annoy you
I guess you’re busy

one cut
just one
one cut
up my
scarred arm
one cut
just one
one cut
that would
help me
one cut
just one
one cut
that im
so afraid
one cut
just one
one cut
that could
kill me

Too many people
Leaving Behind
Too many people
That “care”
Too many people
Would be filled with guilt
Too many people
That did nothing to stop me
Too many people
That will forget
Too many people
That will move on
Too many people
That I can’t leave because of them

Hi Guys,

Luckily I don’t have school. But that means that I’m just sitting alone in my room. I don’t know what to do with my life… I just. Sometimes I get these awesome happy moods. Like I am REALLY happy. Not a fake happy, but sometimes I get so suicidal. I question my existence. I question my purpose. I question my life. I question life. I question so many things. And then sometimes my friends don’t help and I just don’t know…

So I guess one of my down days are today because I just feel suicidal and down.

On a side note I might […]

One day I won’t be here.
One day I won’t show up at school.
One day I won’t text you to say good morning.
One day you will get a call. A message.
One day you will break down from that message. That call. That information.
One day you will find out I killed myself.
One day you will find a note to you.
One day you will read that note.
One day you won’t kill yourself because I killed myself.
One day you will live without me.
One day we will re-unite in heaven.

Hi Guys,

Phew the finals are finally done 😀 but of course not my life…. Or my problems… I just… It’s so difficult right now… Just not being able to cry, but so emotionally drained and I just want to be done. I just want all of my problems go away, but no. I have too many. Well… I’m 13. A girl a female a gal whatever you want to call me. And I have been talking to this 16 year old guy. It’s not a romantic relationship, no it’s a friendship, but at the age of 13 you aren’t supposed to be talking to 16 […]

I guess not. I know it sounds negative. But I am 95% sure that no one will love me. I guess I have to accept that fact… It’s hard though. Thinking/Knowing no one will love you…

Hi Guys,

I don’t think I’ll be able to do this anymore… Even if it is good to get my feelings out… I have been bottling up most of them for all of my life… *shrugs* I just feel these things are useless… And stupid. I mean are you even listening??? Are you even reading? Reading this… I guess some of you are… But I think most of you just ignore these things… It’s okay. I’m used to being ignored… Most of my friends have such busy lives I can’t get help from them… Well only I think 3 out of the 20 some “friends” I […]

I play with scissors.
I play with them.
Just the blade part.
Skimming my skin.
Hoping that maybe I’ll accidentally cut myself.
That I won’t have to do it.
Because I am such a fool.
Such a pathetic person.
That I can’t hurt myself.
I play with scissors.

Pain is a funny thing.
Some people love it.
Some people hate it.
I have no opinion on it.

Pain is a weird thing.
Some people crave it.
Some people don’t want it.
I have no opinion on it.

Pain is an unusual thing.
Some people invite it with open arms.
Some people yell at it to go away.
I have no opinion on it.

Pain is a beautiful, but ugly thing.
Some people love it; love the feeling.
Some people hate it; hate the feeling.
I. I have an opinion. That I cannot share.

Hello Guys,

It’s day three for this. I don’t know why I keep doing this… Maybe its because I need to write my feelings down somewhere. I haven’t been okay or good. I’ve been stressed, tired, and depressed. Sometimes I just want a hug, but none of my friends know about me being depressed. Except for one, but I’ve never met them. I talk to them. I text them. Facebook message them. But I have never met them. And I can’t ask them for a hug, because if I would I know I would feel guilty. I would feel selfish. I would feel like a burden. […]

Remember when we were kids. Where the only worry was if someone took our snack or pencil or crayon. But now, now that we are growing up. Now that we are discovering bad things. Now that we are knowing life isn’t just happiness. We want to go back being a kid? I remember when I used to be so happy. So cheery. I remember when I used to not worry. I remember when I used to think I would never cut. I remember when I used to never ever ever think about killing myself. I remember when I could cry. I remember when I felt […]

Is it worth it to push?
Is it worth it to push someone over the edge?
Is it worth it to say?
Is it worth it to say what’s on your mind?
Is it worth to ask?
Is it worth it to ask if I’m okay or not?
Is it worth it to lie?
Is it worth it to lie about the truth?
Is it worth it to fake?
Is it worth it to fake happiness?

Words go far
So very far
They can make a day
or take a life

Words can be beautiful
But they can also be ugly
The beautiful lie? or
The ugly truth?

Careful on what you say
Careful on what you listen to
Careful
Think about what you are going to say

Words go far
So very far
The can make a day
or take a life

Words are an amazing thing
But yet they can be so terrible
Amazing, motivational quotes
Or terrible repeating insults

Words can be engraved in memory
On a grave stone
On a scarred and bloody wrist
In our minds

Words go far
So very far

Hello guys. No this is not my daily journal entry, just a message. Words go far. They go so far. Some words can either make someone’s day, or take their life. Just remember to be careful what you are saying. Now I know its so much easier to talk online because there’s a delete button, a back space, but in life there isn’t. So if you do make a mistake so you are sorry. Stop them. Tell them that you didn’t think before you spoke. Tell them that you love them and care for them. I remember one day. One of my friend’s texted me, […]

Pierce thy skin
Make it bleed
A lake of red
So I can be free

Cut until I cry
Tear my soul
Rip it to shreds
Then let it go

Forgive
But don’t forget
The memories
Without regrets

I’m not fine
I’m not okay
Just let the pain
Take me away

I haven’t posted in a bit… Well not daily… That’s because I was on this four day trip and I had no wifi… So here’s day three:

Hai Guys,

Wow day three. So my trip was good, except for the fact I had no wifi. It’s been an okay day. I’m sick and stressed and just plain tired. I haven’t been lying though about how I am. I think I might start again though… Because I don’t really think anyone wants to heat the truth. So a while back I posted a poem called Is It Selfish or Is It, not sure which one, but I got […]

Is it selfish to ask?

Is it selfish to ask for comfort?

Is it selfish to ask for comfort when you need it?

Is it selfish to ask for comfort when you need it so badly?

Is it selfish to ask?

Is it selfish to ask for something?

Is it selfish to ask for something you need?

Is it selfish to ask for something you need so badly?

Is it selfish?

Hai Guys,

It’s day 2 for this thing. I guess I’m just down right now. I feel trapped. I feel caged. I want to fly. I want to be free, but it’s not that easy. My sister now knows that I talk to a guy… And I know yeah its not that bad, but he’s three years older than me and right now he’s one, out of two, people that know some of the truth. And I feel trapped because how do you tell your parents you’ve been talking to a guy for almost half of a year? I’m not good with confrontation and I feel […]