i try to control my emotions but i just had to lash out at dad and mum.
i wish everyone will die. i wish my family will just drop dead. i hate this fucking world they put me in. they have no right to give birth to me. they have no right to make me suffer. im not ever going to be normal like everyone else. im just me, me myself. nothing will ever change. i dont want to change either. i try to be nice but i get hurt. if i have fire, i will burn my house down and everyone will just die. isnt that nice? if they have the right to give birth to me, don’t i have the […]
it irritates me soooo godamn much how everyone try to downplay my feelings and coin it as a sort of illness that can be overcome if I try. I’m not looking for sympathy. i don’t care about that either. ppl telling me im still young, i need to see a doc and such really ticks me off. when im angry, i throw things. okay, face it u do-gooders. u arent gonna save us. we dont need u saving. take ur nice ass off somewhere else. im trying my godamn best to live on. i dont need ppl saying to buck up, to try harder when im […]
I cut myself on Christmas. I didn’t think i will do it. When I realized, i was already wipping blood away and more appeared. It wasn’t deep enough to scar. It was just amazing in a scary way to see the red blood against my skin. Strangly, afterwards, I felt cold down to my bones. Like something is trying to burst out from my body and i vomited.
So much has happened today and I’m all very sick. Cold and tired. Life has somewhat become a stand-still. Nothing too bad, nothing good. It’s frightening that I’m getting used. Being alone, being useless. I sit all day at home, watching […]
it’s supposed to get better. wtf!! last year, due to the train jumpings, train delays are common and i hear many compaining. why can’t that poor fellow take his life somewhere else? we need to go to work!! blah blah blah…now they installed that stupid gate to prevent ppl from jumping and everyone turned to drowning. heck!! i wouldn’t care so much…except our damn train system cock up again and again. hey, no one’s jumping anymore and u go shit on us!! train stopped in the middle of the tunnel and people were fucking trapped for a hr…what’s going on??? hahaha perhaps now that’s a […]
it’s amazing how a tub of ice cream can lift one’s spirit and crushes you later. the aftermath – i looked into the mirror and see a girl that has gone through too many tubs of ice cream and unhappiness.
everyone says im on the young side. i merely refused to grow up. not into this sickeningly world where everyone put on their false smiles and try to survive by pushing their pain on others. i don’t blame them. i want to disappear.
clothers worn, shoes torn
i walk with my head down
i’m not looking for money
im not looking at someone’s butt
shoulders slouch, sweat beading my forehead
fingers numb […]
there’s a place in my country that like-minded souls drown. we call it ‘the hotspot’. i see news about a new body found every week and we all keep our fingers counting, while keeping tabs on each other. i only know a few others from my country. those bodies fished out are always strangers. there’s a young man unable to cope with pressure, a mother who took her and her son’s lives, a missing person, and one woman and man. i watched those news with a envy eye. its cruel. i haven’t in it in me to feel sorry. i’ve spoken to lots of ‘friends’ from all over the world. […]