Author

Lost1111

F@c&

by Lost1111 2/16/2016

written by Lost1111

At this point I feel like I’m just seeing how many days I can survive until I finally decide to kill myself.

I’ve tried so many things over the years..meds, in-patient, therapy, groups, coping skills. I’m not better and now I’m still in horrible withdrawal from medications, too. I’m still in post-acute withdrawal after 9 months off all meds and I’m still a shitty person. I’m trying so hard to change, but you cannot take back the past. I hate myself and I hate life.

Why does somebody else (your parents) get to decide that you exist, but then it’s your responsibility to function and do well […]

2/16/2016 8 comments

What’s the point?

by Lost1111 2/8/2016

written by Lost1111

I’m not saying my life experience was the worst, but at this point I feel there is no point in staying around. Side note:My maternal uncle committed suicide, my paternal grandmother’s sister committed suicide, and my paternal grandfather died from alcoholism related issues. I feel like my family is a family who tries to be perfect, but hides many secrets because it seems like I’m outwardly the only screw up. I have struggled with anxiety my whole life. I’ve always been terrified of everything. Often had insane temper tantrums. I don’t remember exactly how young I was when I first went to therapy, but I was young.. […]

2/8/2016 2 comments

We’re not as different as we fear

by Lost1111 2/1/2016

written by Lost1111

Edit: I wrote this the other night when I was drunk, guess it’s just posted now…

In my current drunken state…we’re not as different as we feel. The people who we feel are far more “normal” as us are fighting similar battles as us. I’m sure I will feel far different as a sober me, but just know that the thoughts that bring us close to suicide are actually the same thoughts that bring us closer to others. In your moments of weakness and loneliness, try to have faith that you’re not as f-ed up and as alone as you feel….distant love to all <3.

2/1/2016 2 comments

I am a screw up and trying makes it worse

by Lost1111 1/13/2016

written by Lost1111

This is my first post and I am in a horrible place. I tapered off all of my psych medications in 2014-2015 and am still in Post Acute Withdrawal. On top of that, I’m just a messed up person and I have been all of my life. I just need to vent, if that’s okay.

I am clueless at how to function in any aspect of life. My taxes are messed up, which is a huge trigger for me right now. I inadvertently have messed up my taxes in different ways for years now. One year I forgot income because my financial advisor switched companies and […]

1/13/2016 9 comments