Maybe I’m not meant for this
Perhaps all the drops and twists were not hurdles
But barriers, put up to show me I should stop
I try I fail I try again
But never can I succeed
Every time I attempt to lead a normal persons life
I get sucked down and stuck and faced with more strife
Maybe I’m not meant to live
My hands are shaking, I don’t know why
I’ve been here before
Yet for some reason I can’t help but cry
New doors, but all of them so far away
The old ones are slowly closing
And they call out strongly my name
What will become of me?
I cannot be sure
But I know there is no cure for what I am
So simple yet so complex
I am unable to see through the fog
And I’m afraid I’m destined to choose wrong
One bad door is all it will take
One wrong move, one mistake and I know
I’ll end up where I have been before
I reach […]
I keep dreaming of a different life
I keep hoping to be a better person
I keep praying for a brighter sun
Yet I keep holding this knife
A new start they say
Its your chance to be whatever you want
But every time I try to imagine, my mind taunts me
With these fantastic images of what may be one day
You’ll be a hero, a friend, a savior
You’ll change the world for the better
You’l finally forget her
You’ll finally change your behavior
These pictures in my head
I can see they are lies
And I know that even if I tried
Soon, I’d just […]
pues no se porque estoy escribiendo esto. casi cinco anos de depresion y todavia tengo sentimientos oscuros. ya tengo experiencia con “therapy” y mas de dos meses en un hospital…pero nunca de esa me ayudara. pienso que nunca va a ayudarme y es dificil despertar en la manana sabiendo que esta es mi vida ahora.
I don’t know why im writing this. nearly 5 years of depression and still i have dark feelings. ive already had experience with therapy and more than 2 months in a hospital…but none of this helped me. I think that nothing is going to help me and its hard to […]
I wrote this for a project in english class. Its a story about my own life. I threw myself into 3rd person and became the friend I wish I had when this was all happening. I hope you enjoy.
id the same. I dont think I heard them ever tell him congratulations without there being a “but” after it. Maybe they did, but I’m pretty sure he would’ve told me about it. So, Alex goes through his life thinking he is never good enough, that failure far outweighs success and quite frankly, he was miserable. But, for some reason, I can never remember him crying.
In middle […]
Sometimes I wonder
Is there really a future for me
I look back on all my history
and decide its not to be
Years of pain and struggle and strife
Multiple attempts to end my life
Failure upon failure and disappointment too
Not to mention the drugs and alcohol to boot
But people still say
Every dog has his day
Yet somehow its hard to wait for what may be
When will this day come?
It’s been plenty of moons
since the times I could stay home and watch cartoons
and be content
So much has changed yet so much has not
I feel like I went full circle, […]
So this is life?
This is the great mystery?
When every day is so predictably painful that I see no point in waking again?
What have they told you? That life isn’t fair? They know not the half of it.
Voices. Voices whose mouthes I cannot find speak to me, they speak my mind, my mind, my mind will not stay it’s breath, oh why won’t it let me be?! I cannot think clearly for these clouds of despair block my vision to a brighter tomorrow that they say exists out there.
With every day the same tragedy and the memory of what I used […]
A comparison
Have you ever read what it is like to fall in to a black hole? That’s what depression feels like. You’re slowly moving towards the end, regardless of how hard you struggle you can not escape. Time slows down for you while the world seems to move on faster without you. You can only see the things that came in with you, your problems and vices, all floating next to you as you fall in to a singularity of your own misery. And to an onlooker, you will never actually disappear. Only get closer and closer to the end, but in reality, you’ve […]
Ignore me like disease
A ghost you choose not to see
Pretend I’m not there because
Shortly I won’t be
Maybe you thought I was stronger
That I could live through it
That the lies you spoke no longer linger
And instead I found peace
But you’re wrong, dead wrong
I’m just better at hiding it
The pain you put me through
Gave me much needed guidance
Trust no one
Believe in nothing
And the day will soon come
Where you feel nothing
No pain, no hurt, no sorrow
Maybe emptiness is a better way of living
Keep my heart beating is all you asked […]
She says I never had it
This dark cloud above my head
Because the pills didn’t make it better
It’s all inside my head
Of course it’s in my head I say
Depression isn’t just chemical imbalance
It’s a mentality
A way of living
A way that’s mine forever
Just get over it
You’ve got nothing to be depressed about
Just think happy thoughts
And tell us if you’re going to hurt yourself
Your words hurt more than any blade
No razor on earth can amount to the pain
Your words have caused me
It’s not a simple scratch
There’s no pretending it’s not there
A new one came in today
Another drugged up junkie high on his last paycheck
Can’t remember his name, in a few days it won’t matter anyway
Bragging about his last score, his last binge, the best place to get more of the drug that leeches the life out my people
How can he talk like that? How can he boast about this destructive lifestyle of murder and morphine? Is he proud? Is he proud of where it’s gotten him? I look at him with disgust. That drug. That evil fucking drug that has destroyed thousands of lives, my friends lives, my life, and he’s […]
Pen to paper, ink on the page
Unable to let flow the words I made
A block, a wall, something in the way makes it feel like these words are fake. My heart, my soul, my self I used to pour in the paper
The lines, the truth printed out in front of their maker, never forced never coerced out of his mind but now those same words I’ve written a thousand times seem hard to find.
Have I drank the well dry? Is it because I’ve gotten too happy to cry or feel empty inside? Is that where my inspiration was derived? Where my […]
The blade gleams in the moonlight
A drop of cursed blood spilt at night
On to the dirt and the mud where it feels right
And tears from an empty husk mix with the blood and mud at dusk
The thoughts flow like water, getting caught in the rapids of this martyr
One less life to plague the earth
From ashes to ashes and from dirt to dirt
Perhaps one day someone will learn
The call of a thousand muffled voices
He can’t tell the difference between the memories and the ghosts toying with him
He can’t hear reality’s call, so subtle and soft in […]
I had to write a sestina for English, and I feel like a lot of people here can relate to it, so please don’t judge me too harshly. I can’t pretend to be a poet, but still I feel the need to share this.
I woke up, dry mouth
Coughing, sputtering, the light
From the sun burning my eyes
The taste of the drink
from my stupor last night
I stumbled forward, and opened the door
I walked forward, passing through each door
A bad taste in my mouth
Reminding me of my life at night
Devoid of all the good, all the light
The […]
Why is this so alluring?
The sting of a blades sharp edge?
Aren’t most people afraid of the pain
The cut sends to their head?
Why am I so different?
why can’t I stay away?
Why is it that I find my self slipping
The blade cross my arm everyday?
Is it because I’m broken and that I need to be repaired?
Is it because I’m lost, alone, depressed and scared?
Is it because the chemicals in my head aren’t set
Or because my life has sucked downright
Or maybe because I’ve seen no light for many years all passed?
Regardless, I slide this blade […]
6 months. I was clean for 6 months. Not so much as a scratch on my body and now my arms are covered with my sin. I knew relapse was painful, but never did I realize how bad it truly can be. The disappointment. The shame. The hatred I feel for myself. I came so far…for this? To end up right where I was 6 months ago?….. I’d be a liar if I said I didn’t miss it. Welcome back my old friend. I truly hate you.
I look back over my shoulder
All I see is a past not worth remembering
And in my heart I know that I’ll never escape
The fear of my body growing colder
I see myself in all my pain
Hunched over the bathtub drain with
My blood pouring like rain
Down my arm to the sewer with all those who felt the same
And today I fight to keep at bay
The thought that demand I slay
Myself and those around who dared spout the lie that they cared
And end this life I hate today
So simple the old ways
To give in to hate and relate to life in the most brutal of ways
To berate myself […]
The curse
placed long ago upon my head
To bear the weight of the world
On a rope tied round my neck
To always look back at what has happened and live it again today
To have no hope for tomorrow
to feel nothing but sorrow
to hate every aspect of my day.
To see my scars and fight the powers that drive me to make more
To find the bottle and decide not to drink every last drop it stores
To hear the words that others say and push them all away, lest they end up on my arm.
To split my mind and want to live yet long to die
To do so wrong yet […]
The problem. I am the problem
Everything wrong comes from me
Nobody cares what I see as truth
None of it matters any who
I’m just another face in the crowd
Nothing special, not renowned
Never to become anything of worth
Cursed to walk the earth in misery for eternity
So easy are the old ways
To slip back to pains and drains
So familiar to my hand that it just might slip through a vein or three
The record in my head plays over and over again about how everything’s wrong
Everything’s gone
And how the world would move along without me here
I can’t focus I can’t sleep
I can’t dream I can’t eat
I can’t stand to live […]
The dreams call to me
Listen, listen they whisper
We’ll show you who you really are
So I delve in hopeful, full of wonder and disregard for the waking hell I live in
Hoping for some kind of respite
Some relief from the pain I feel
But what I find is more than just real
I see myself in all my flaws
Grasping and the wind where my life just had been
All my loves all my joys all the reasons I live to wake for
Shown to me to hold once more
Before I wake and find I’m torn
Between these blissful nightmares and this despairing reality
Where love had been now replaced by hate
In dreams I […]
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