Author

mick9999

I'm a bipolar, anxiety, panic disorder and drug induced psychosis sufferer. I'm studying full time and looking for part time work. I'm in my early thirties and have children that I see regularly. I have been separated for many years from my wife and am currently in a fantastic relationship with my true love and best friend. I've either done it, experienced it, seen it or plan to do it. Living with bipolar means boundaries and limits are nonexistent and everything is fair game. I had a long battle with drug addictions. I'm an IV Meth user and have been controlling my use very well, but still I lapse and indulge in too much or too often. I've been homeless, lived in my car, been flat broke, and been in some very dangerous situations. I found this site and wanted to share my experiences with others. Hopefully someone will find solace in my words.

Do you know who cleans a crime scene? More importantly, a suicide?

by mick9999 4/3/2015

written by mick9999

Police, paramedics, forensic scientists, none of these will clean a crime scene. If you kill yourself in your home, your body could sit there for some time while investigators rule out murder and/or robbery.

The body makes a huge mess, there is a lot of blood. If you shoot or cut yourself, you will leave a very large mess behind and by the time your premises are cleared to enter, your blood has started to solidify and soak into any dry space.

Like I said, none of those servicemen will clean the scene that you left. Your next of kin is expected to clean the mess, […]

4/3/2015 27 comments

We should be paddling in the things we love.

by mick9999 3/28/2015

written by mick9999

Whatever it or they may be.

Model ships, history, reading, drawing, photography, design, walking, jogging. There is a lot out there on offer. We cant be wallowing in self pity. We need to try and find ways to keep on, keep trying, keep investigating.

You never know whats around the corner. Could be the start of an exciting and prosperous life, or it could be more struggles and bullshit, but we wont know if were not here to see it.

I love music. Im always talking about it, listening to it, embracing it. Theres something out there for us all. That one thing that makes life worth trying […]

3/28/2015 35 comments

The Kama Sutra

by mick9999 3/11/2015

written by mick9999

OK, so it may not be what we’re thinking of or desiring, but I have a book that takes exerts from the actual Kama Sutra and explains things like Hindu existence, practice, culture and history.

There are some poses in here, but I’m not interested in that, what I found curious was the 64 arts that must be studied along with the Kama Sutra.

There are a range of different disciplines and crafts they must study. Vocal music, dancing, gardening, carpentry, and 60 more.

The reason why I posted this was to inspire or motivate others to maybe attempt all, half or part of the 64 arts. […]

3/11/2015 2 comments

I’m manic and can’t sleep. Anyone awake that wants to chat?

by mick9999 3/6/2015

written by mick9999

3/6/2015 22 comments

Woke up, fell out of bed..

by mick9999 3/6/2015

written by mick9999

Dragged a comb across my head.

Found my way downstairs and drank a cup and looking up, I noticed I was late.

Found my coat and grabbed my hat.

Made the bus, in seconds flat.

Found my way upstairs and had a smoke.

And somebody spoke and I went into a dream.

3/6/2015 0 comment

What song or songs or band can help lift you out of your depression?

by mick9999 3/6/2015

written by mick9999

I have a few, they change as much as my moods. I listen to such a broad range of music from the Doors to Gomez and beyond.

Through high school I would hide my interests because my music wasn’t cool. I had a few NWA and Eazy-E cassettes, but would always go back to my favourites.

The Beatles-Anything Revolver and beyond, Here comes the sun because I always wait for the sun to come up when I’m feeling suicidal. The sun lights the world and exposes what the moonlight and darkness of night hides. She said she said, tomorrow never knows, something, Lucy in the sky with […]

3/6/2015 11 comments

Replying to posts

by mick9999 2/25/2015

written by mick9999

Hey all,

I found this site after I googled mania and how to sleep. Obviously nothing I found helped cause I’ve been reading posts all night.

I wanted to share my suicide experience and hopefully change someones mind or help them see the point in struggling and fighting through life. I have shared a lot about myself and feel comfortable with what I have divulged. Maybe my experiences are similar or maybe they shed light on mental illness and how it affects yourself and others. Maybe what I have confessed will give you the courage to speak openly with your friends and family and seek help […]

2/25/2015 5 comments

Whàt have you learnt from somebody in your life?

by mick9999 2/25/2015

written by mick9999

Have you learnt some pivotal life skills from a relative or older friend?

Has a friend or family member taught you some life skills that you swear by now?

Have you learnt some life skills over time as a result of harsh life experience?

Your contribution could be the one thing someone needs to hear to prevent the thought of self harm and maybe lift them from their depression.

I take people by face value, I never trust the testimony of others when determining an opinion on someone. I’ll listen and respect their comment, but at the end of the day, I’ll make my own decisions on who is […]

2/25/2015 6 comments

Seems I’m not alone at being alone..

by mick9999 2/25/2015

written by mick9999

Hi all,

I am a bipolar, drug induced psychosis and suicide survivor.

My life was such chaos before diagnosis and I honestly don’t know how i made it out alive. I’ve had a few serious attempts. When I say serious, I mean more spontaneous, not planned, I was caught downing three months of antidepressants, had material rip when I tried to asphyxiate myself and my dogs eyes stopped me from driving us over a cliff. I have also had my cry for help attempts. I didn’t want to die, but I didn’t want to live either. I wanted help, so I would tell someone that I was […]

2/25/2015 2 comments