Blackhole depression. Don’t know where or why it keeps coming. I’ve given myself freedom and control by deciding to to take my self out. I will be doing away with myself in a matter of weeks. yesterday cleared another hurdle to doing so. so depressed i cant even type.
As my days tick down i grow a little nervous, but at the same time relieved that my suffering will soon come to an end. I’m starting to feel the emotional pain of those left behind and what they will feel. But I’m really not close to my family and have no kids so they will recover just fine. i think they will understand that my mental illness has been too much and the future looks grim. I’m wrapping up final details here and there. tomorrow I get dog his bordetella vaccine so he can be boarded for 3 days till my father picks him […]
Not sure I want to hang myself. I’m hoping i have to avoid that method as it is rather scary. I am barred from buying a gun. That seems like it would be easiest considering we can’t get barbiturates. I have a ******** tank setup all ready to go but alarm, panic, and lots of air hunger came about.
So I just got back from scouting two areas that would support a 6 foot hang drop. I found a couple places in a heavily wooded recreational area 15 minutes from my house. 3 swing sets that have a horizontal pole about 11 feet across would be […]
It’s only a matter of weeks. Not exactly sure when but everything is finally in place except the notes i will leave for the family and some fine details. i made out my will and split up my assets among my sisters and nephews.
I bought all the equipment necessary from Ebay and a few hardware stores plus a fabric shop.
That was very difficult to do but I got it done despite the depression. My mind is firmly made up. Taking myself out seems to be the only logical option considering my suffering.
My suffering takes the form of a spinal conditon that the doctors can not […]