I thought I wanted to die, and I guess I still do. But I will not go on their terms. I will follow bravely until the end, with my chest out and my head held high, no matter what hurdles I face, when the time comes I will grasp death by the hand and tell him “Thank you for waiting for me”
This song so perfectly sums up how I often feel its uncanny.
Nihilism hit me hard in my seventeenth year of existence. Pretty much all my life i’ve been looking for some “truth” or purpose behind the universe, so the realisation that we are monkeys on a rock, slowly parading towards our deaths while filling the time with seemingly pointless endeavours was quite hard to swallow.
So, why are you alive? Whats your point?
For me, its the gym. I dont know what it is about it, but when i go, my mind clears and its just a battle of me against myself, having to push myself to the edge.
This page is a graveyard. This page is where we come to die. We stop by for a fleeting moment, trying to write something of meaning, to express the void that encompasses our lives. Soon enough though, we get bored of this site to, and we move on.
“Could it be possible! This old saint in his woods has not yet heard the news that God is dead!” – Nietzsche
Its funny, because I don’t even feel it coming on. But then, within a week, it has become me, stripped away all of my qualities and replaced it with a boiling, putrid rage. My parents physically repulse me. I see people only as opportunities, for my own gain, without feeling or empathy.
I was raped when I was 7 years old, and im so fucking broken it hurts, I don’t feel empathy in the same way others do, I feel emotional pain much more acutely than most people do. To others, suicide is an unspoken tragedy, but for me it is an escape.
and the fridgidness of the cold
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