Nihilism hit me hard in my seventeenth year of existence. Pretty much all my life i’ve been looking for some “truth” or purpose behind the universe, so the realisation that we are monkeys on a rock, slowly parading towards our deaths while filling the time with seemingly pointless endeavours was quite hard to swallow.
So, why are you alive? Whats your point?
For me, its the gym. I dont know what it is about it, but when i go, my mind clears and its just a battle of me against myself, having to push myself to the edge.
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Sometime been alive, could be as simple, we are alive because we do not want to hurt the people who care and love us.
Leaving life with a purpose it is the best thing we could do, for you part of that is going to the gym. You do something you enjoy doing, you go and you do something positive for your mind and body. Now, what happens is every time you try to do something you would like to do you find a force against you and what you are doing, something so big that is beyond you and you just cannot do it? How you feel is no matter what, every single intent, every single things given purpose to your life is taken from you? You start living a live without existence. But still a life. Then you refocus, adjust to the new conditions and continue trying day by day, doing the best you can do.
I like my life and I still got some stuff to finish here
My point atm is to see whether I can make a good life for myself without psychiatric medication. Quitting it is probably the biggest change I have made over the past decade. So I’m just trying to see if it’s feasible. But yeah, those are the things, getting my life more in order.
Someone said that there are two kinds of motivation: “towards” and “away from”. So partly I would still like to see if things can work out, i.e. I feel it would be a waste to throw life away forever. That’s my “towards”. And partly, I’m scared of the suffering that preceeds most legal and doable suicide methods. Plus the possibility of winding up even worse off than presently. That’s my “away from”.
As far as what I believe. I believe in Jesus Christ. I have been reading the Bible for a long time and it brings be a lot of comfort and also gives me direction for my life that is good and Nobel.
Other then that I live for art, friendships, Beer, food and fun times. I also play guitar and exercise a lot and those things help.
Numbers, beaches, camping, cactus, chickens, music, anime and um. gosh this feels like I’m on stage for the Ms. SP contest…
What are your hobbies HDS? shesh that is a rather long list. I guess I’m here to live. Live the best I can. It can be really hard, on days like this especially, but I look forward to certain things in my life. Like sitting by a koi pond drawing or camping on the beach and laying in the sand watching the stars. My biggest fear is rolling the mood dice and having this robbed from me by my disease. I have had times that I wake up and all my wants and desires have been robbed over night and I spend weeks or sometimes months just going through the motions counting days as they pass. That is my biggest fear in life.
And this has nothing to do with the OP. sigh. Off topic again. I don’t even know what the fucking topic was.
Update: I just reread the OP, I was on topic. Score one for HDS.