Author

MisterRiddler

Reasons.

by MisterRiddler 5/2/2009

written by MisterRiddler

I canceled my next appointment with my shrink. I feel as if I’ve given up on myself already. I started cutting again and it feels amazing to wake up from such blankness. That apathy, mind over matter. However, the tolerance is already building; fast this time. I’m already running the cuts under hot water for the extra wake up sensation.

What is it about our society that makes us fear and hate death so much? We are brainwashed, conditioned to value life and disapprove of death.

Maybe it’s because we are born selfish and our actions are primarily done in self interest. For example, let’s say I […]

5/2/2009 3 comments

The Other Life

by MisterRiddler 4/27/2009

written by MisterRiddler

I’ve been seeing a shrink at school. She wants to put me on meds for my depression in addition to therapy. It’s a specialized therapy though. Its to change the way I think and percieve things in order to change my life. Depression is my comfort zone. It’s home; where I hide, where I am at peace with death and myself. I don’t think I’m going to go back to see the shrink. Part of me still wonders though: what would life be like if depression WASNT my home anymore…?

<3MisterRiddler

4/27/2009 6 comments

Maddening Shroud

by MisterRiddler 4/25/2009

written by MisterRiddler

It’s been 6 years of an undiagnosed, untreated progressive depression.

The Stages:
Stage one just started with deep thinking. What we all go through, what is life worth? who loves me? what would the world be like if i’m dead, etc.

Stage two became mind over matter. This is the point beyond sadness. Cutting never hurt, it was just a way to wake up into reality again, to start feeling again, even it was just sadness.

Stage three was my addiction. I became addicted to cutting as it would relieve me of the emptiness. Cutting eventually stopped working (it works like pain killers, my body developed a tolerance), […]

4/25/2009 3 comments