Going on my fifth year of depression/suicidal tendencies. It’s fantastic…really. I was locked up in a behavior hospital for two weeks after trying to kill myself again about two months ago and its just gone downhill from there. Then I come on here to vent my frustrations as I did so many years ago and I see it has become a troll site for jesus freaks, social outcasts looking for others, and kids.
What the fuck happened?
Oh well. It was naive for me to think this wouldn’t be another thing that would disappoint me.
misunderstood
And you can’t deny that I’ll be the one mistake you’ll carry forever and you can’t pretend now that you thought I’d forget to notice you were gone. But the truth is its pointless. I’ll make my own world somehow where I control who stays. You won’t leave because you won’t know how to run away. I’ll make you care that I am running here without you. I’ll make you care. And you can’t escape that I’m in your dreams, like you swim in mine. And you’ll live your whole life dreaming, your dreams will be free of me but the truth is its pointless. […]
I sat here for thirty minutes trying to think of the perfect note to write. The perfect way to say my peace. I came up with nothing. There is honestly nothing left to say. I will kill myself tonight on October 19, 2010. All because of what happened October 16, 2010. I’m so sorry Monti. I love you.
http://www.givesmehope.com/
“There are worst things you can do to the people you love than kill them. No matter how much you think you love somebody, you’ll step back when the pool of their blood edges up too close.”
I’ve decided that dying is not the worst thing that can happen to you. Living…living everyday…with the knowledge, and the pain, and the hurt, of being betrayed by the only person you gave your heart and soul too.
That kills.
At least when you’re dead you don’t feel a damned thing.
I hate this–hate myself. I disgusts myself. I’m a ***** panzi ass ugly ***** that can’t get over the […]