all i can think on my commute is, if i just step off the platform if i just jump in front of the train, my pain will go away. I’m too much of a coward to do that. i can’t stop tearing up at work, then i was out with my parents and started crying in front of everyone, they just thought i was sad to see my family friends move, sure i am extremely sad about that, but my sadness for myself is much worse. I’m completely miserable to the point i can’t take it anymore. i just want to scream and beg everyone […]
he fucking killed me. how does it feel to know that you fucking had enough influence to make somebody else to want to disappear?! i am beyond hurt. i am so heartbroken i can’t keep going. nobody deserves this life.
why am i writing this? why am i writing here. it doesn’t matter. it doesn’t change anything. just venting. for what.
life fucking sucks. i really wanted to jump in front of the train today. I’m completely miserable and that’s all i could think when i was waiting for the train.
how does he not understand why i don’t have the will to live anymore?! actually no, he doesn’t care. its because of people like him that take and and take and take, and are actually loved, but their main goal is to act like a parasite and then just leave once they’ve sucked everything they possibly can from you, and you have nothing left. he literally doesn’t care how much he takes from me. he doesn’t care that he causes another person to not want to live. he’s breaking up with me over a situation i may not be able to control. he won’t even […]
he won. if i don’t graduate, i’m going to take legal action against him. that’s all i care about now.
IF YOU EVER READ THIS. I HOPE YOU KNOW YOU ARE WRONG, AND YOU NEED HELP. IM NOT NEGLECTING THE FACT THAT I CLEARLY NEED HELP BECAUSE OF HOW UPSET I AM AND FEELING LIKE I HAVE NO REASON TO LIVE NOW. I HOPE YOU KNOW THAT YOU CHOOSING NOT TO TALK TO ME AGAIN IS ON YOU BECAUSE IT IS IMPOSSIBLE NOT TO IGNORE YOU. YOU DONT STOP. I HOPE YOU KNOW YOU MAKE ME WANT TO DIE. AND I HOPE THAT IS WHAT HURTS YOU. I NEVER WANTED TO HURT YOU. THE ONLY HURT I WANT YOU TO FEEL IS KNOWING YOU COULD […]
if i know i have no chance for a life, should i kill myself now and get it over with, even though i want to live a better life but it seems impossible? i don’t want to kill myself. but i see no other way. seriously, i want to live. i want a life. but it is clear now that that’s impossible. why put all of my energy into graduating if it’s not going to happen? he’s made it clear. and if i don’t graduate, that’s it for me. and i have no reason to be around. that’s all i care about at this point. […]
im in the studio right now, and I’m having a break down. i can’t do this. i want to talk to him so badly. i can’t stop freaking out. i want to talk to him. i can’t. i want to graduate. i want my work to be great. i want a good life. i want him in my life forever, but not as friends. i want him to know how much i love him and care about him and how insane he is. all i want is to be with him, to graduate, and to get a job. i fucking sitting in the corner right […]
im so hurt im in so much pain, i can’t even think. i have to go do work all day and night. how can he hurt me so many times, so badly, and on purpose?!! how can he hurt me this much?! i really do hate my life. i loved him more than anything in the world. I’m miserable and heartbroken. you’re insane. i need to graduate. i have so much to do but all i want to do is be with him. i tried as hard as i possibly could with him. i feel so broken. how can he hurt me so bad.
I’m trying really hard to be strong, but it’s really difficult and I’m having a really hard time. number one priority, i HAVE to graduate. i spent hours in the studio tonight and will spend hours in the studio tomorrow. but then there are all my other classes. i can’t look at his messages, it will make me fail, and that’s exactly what he wants. i have no time for a social life. i miss him so badly, but not his insanity. how cruel can he be?! he keeps seeing how badly he can hurt me. I’m so heartbroken and I’m trying so hard […]
ive fucking had it. it’s 9 am. I’m tired as shit. i have more shit to do than i have time to do it. i don’t even fucking have time for a social life. I’m doing everything i possibly fucking can. all i want to do is graduate. at the top of my list. stop making my life so fucking hard and miserable. my skin is the worst it’s ever been and it won’t get better because I’m so fucking stressed. he keeps me talking till fucking late as shit then i have to get up early. i don’t have time for this. he doesn’t […]
im in this trap and there’s only one way out.
i really hope he gets a wakeup call one of these days. fuck you! i fucking changed. i don’t give a fuck if thats how i was in my past. how fucking dare you insult me like that. this is how i feel now and thats part of growing up and making mistakes. i don’t want to fuck around anymore. i have fucking feelings. i am also in fucking love and i fucking am not going to be degraded by you. fuck you. i don’t care what you say. i mean this. you just fucking keep hurting me. fuck you for tearing someone down this […]
i hate everything about my life, i am in the biggest trap and i can’t get out of it. its impossible.
if i don’t graduate my life will be over. i one hundred percent will have to end it. i don’t want that. i want a life so badly. i want to graduate, i want a job. these two classes are making it impossible, and so is he more than anything. i’ve lost. i really have. if he keeps harassing me, i lose. if he disappears, i lose. i can’t focus. there isn’t a day that goes by that i don’t cry and cry and cry. every person I’m around really doesn’t want to be around me because all i do is complain and get angry […]
now i know he’s a terrible person, or has a severe mental illness. i can’t decide. and i can’t decide which one is worse. he doesn’t care that he is preventing my from graduating. he doesn’t care. he doesn’t care about how terrible he is. I’m selfish? yeah i guess. does he not see how effing selfish he is?! and cruel?! omg. i explained everything in plain english, and nothing. he just keeps saying he hates me and he’s canceling his phone. HE HATES ME?! I HATE ME! I HATE ME BECAUSE IM NOT WORTH DIRT TO HIM. there is no getting through to him […]
HOW FUCKING STUPID AM I?! I MUST BE PRETTY FUCKING STUPID! IM SO STUPID! WELL FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU FOR GETTING EXACTLY WHAT YOU WANT AGAIN. FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU FUCK YOU. IVE MADE THE DECISION IF IM NOT IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH SOMEONE NONE OF THAT SHIT IS HAPPENING. NONE OF IT. HOW FUCKING STUPID AM I. JUST STRUNG ALONG AND DISPOSED OF. I SAID ALL THAT SHIT WAS SO VULNERABLE AND MEANT IT. AND YOU ATE ALL THAT SHIT UP. THEN WHEN THE MOMENT PASSES, ITS FORGET IT. FUCK YOU. I AM WORTH SO MUCH FUCKING MORE THAN THIS SHIT. MY LOVE MY […]
I’m completely heartbroken, overwhelmed, and miserable.
you’ve completely pushed me over the edge. i don’t care if the messages stopped. you said just enough, enough times, and left it how you did, knowing how cruel you are. how could you beat a person down that badly that many times? how could you just keep hurting me that badly? what’s wrong with you? do you actually believe all of the horrible things you kept saying to me?! do you think you’re sane?! you can’t be! you have so many issues that are far beyond me. how could you hurt me this badly? how can you be so cruel. i don’t care what […]
tonight is my last night. i’ve already said goodbye and I’m sorry to my mom. but she refuses to accept it. i told her to make sure my note is read by all the people it concerns. she’s in disbelief. my father doesn’t allow me to be upset.
i can’t live with him. it will only be arguing and fighting forever. nothing will get better. and i can’t live without him.
I’m going to see my grandparents one last time tomorrow.
im in the middle of drafting my note. i want to make sure i say everything i need to say.
I’ve tried everything. there […]
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