I’m sorry to say that I’m here again, not that you people are bad people, but I only come here when things are getting overwhelming. I’ve been cutting again, a precursor to other self destructive behaviour; and this time it’s the nightmares. I’ve been trying to stop drinking, and it’s only causing me to wake up in the middle of the night screaming, or swinging. More so than usual, but usual had been passing out so drunk that I’m paralysed. I’m getting so tired of the new and inventive horrors my mind keeps in store to greet me in sleepy land. I just wish that […]
Today’s been rough… ex gf is giving me hope… I dunno if it’s false hope… I guess I don’t fully trust her… I know I even just want to be in the same room as her… hear her voice again… just like I have for the last 2 years… even when I was living in my SUV… just call and hearing her voice made it better… i think that’s what it means to love her… I dunno… is that enough? She got a new guy there… it’s only been a week… he’s sleeping in MY bed… he’s sitting on MY couch he’s eating off MY […]
I’m 35, but I’ve been battling with depression and suicidal thoughts since I was a child. I was fat and smart in school. A perfect candidate for ridicule. Which I endured. Home wasn’t much better. My 2 brothers didn’t like me, and my mother is an alcoholic. My father worked all the time and when ever my mom and I would fight, and I tried to talk to my dad about it, I would be told not to since, because I was “trying to pit him against his wife, and she would win every time.” I ran away. When I […]