myheartandotherblackholes

I was sexually assualted on Sunday… I feel physically sick. I feel so stupid for letting it happen. Now I plan on maybe telling the police and then ending my life. I cannot live with these thoughts and memories

It is 2:35am as I type this. Today I am finally going to kill myself. Everything is ready. I am ready. I cannot wait for everything to stop.

I am sorry if I ask this more than once over the next week. Mental health people are trying to mess with my head and convince me I don’t really want to die. I need motivation from you guys to kill myself. Please.

I want to tell people aroun me that I’m going to kill myself, just so they know, but it will seem like I want help/to be stopped and like I don’t really want to kill myself, you know? But I do want to do it and I will, I just want people to be aware I guess, be prepared? I don’t know if that makes sense.

I just cut after months of not doing it and I don’t know how to feel about it. I don’t regret it, no guilt, no release, no happiness. Just emptiness. One more week until death day.

Sweet alcohol, take this pain away. Take me away from everything. Let me float. Let me sleep forever. Nobody fucking cares any more. The lack of my existence will not affect anybody. God I just need it all to go away. I normally type shit when I’ve been drinking but I’m trying extra hard to type properly this time.

It is strange that I can sit in a room with a psychologist and mental health nurse, knowing that I am going to kill myself in 13 days and they have no idea. It’s so easy. To lie.

The rope I ordered finally came!!! Need to practice trying the knots then hopefully this plan will work

I waited all day for my rope to come but it turns out it is being delivered tomorrow… hopefully when my mum is out, then I can practice tying the knots

I have ordered what is needed, now just have to wait for it to come. Thank you to the best person in the entire world (you know who you are). Gosh, my whole life has come down to this moment. I cannot wait for the peace, to be free.

How do people manage to succeed in committing suicide? Each time I try it is never enough, never works. How???

I know how I am going to kill myself… I think I may do it today. I am extremely impulsive, but everything is ready. I can do this. I can end my life.

So, I am suicidal yet again. It’s been2 months since my last overdose but I am determined to die, I will do anything to die. I have my suicide note, funeral plan, everything is ready. I just need a date.

I swore I would never come back to this site, yet here I am. I feel ready to die. I have a note typed on my laptop. I have a plan. I wrote out what I want at my funeral. The next step is the biggest though and I think I am scared. But maybe I am more scared of living than dying.