I’m doing this today evening. Don’t know what to do now. I packed everything I’m gonna need (not much, I won’t have a lot to carry), now I just need to get dressed and then I’m leaving but I have no idea where and how should I spend all those hours until evening. Can’t talk to anyone today because I have a big mouth and I’d just tell them everything. I regret not finding a suicide partner a few days earlier, when I was thinking about it, a day spent with another person wouldn’t be so long and boring. I miss my friends so badly […]
My mother’s schizo finally did it, she can’t work anymore, still doesn’t admit she needs treatment, I don’t know if she’s taking her meds but knowing her it’s the last thing she’ll do, it’s way too nice to make my life even more of a hell. I can’t earn more, I can’t get a better job, or I can’t get a second job, whether she accepts it or not. Nobody understands me. I don’t, either. Why do I still care who’s gonna take care of her when I’m dead, I don’t know! I definitely don’t want to do anything for her anymore. Yet I still […]
Why am I still here? I have everything prepared for my death. I have a miserable life and I don’t want to improve anything because I have absolutely no strength to do so and I hate life anyway. I believe that good moments aren’t worth living for. And it’s not worth to live as me especially. I’m damaged to the point where nothing can make me happy. So, what the hell am I waiting for. Is it just fear of the unknown? Is it just because I can’t imagine not being able to observe life anymore, or what will they do with my body, or […]