Lover is far away, not sure if she is here to stay.
Work is far from reach, but who am I to preach?
Constant exhaustion, no motivation.
Lonesome, a nobody, within this twisted nation.
Surrounded by “family,” with no liberty.
Bound by these deathly notions, that continues to consume me.
Try to make moments merry, playing some tunes, attempt at lightening up the mood. Again dismissed, unwanted commentary. Once again surrounded by family but I feel so alone, unneeded, unnecessary, my appetite lost, my brief content from visiting relatives gone, in a heartbeat. I can’t wait to leave.
More relatives have come spontaneously to spend time with me without realization of my departure. It’s quite hysterical actually.
Mom: I cannot thank you enough for all that you have done for the family. Thank you for working so hard to pay for necessities, housing, and my medical bills. You will no longer have to deal with that though. The end is near. I’d like to also add that I wish you understood the way I have felt all of my life. The words I recall hearing still hurt me until this very day: “a mistake,” to Rebecca. The beatings were not a lesson learned, nor helpful to my self-development. Your yelling and screaming did nothing but torment me, I never wanted to hear […]
Raining endlessly, the usual bipolar weather of New England. Cold & drabby, yet a constant reminder of how she feels on a regular basis. Allows her to empathize with at least something, but ironically rain has no vitalities, schedules, appointments, nothing. Mere droplets, all without knowledge, lacking a single breath of life, just free falling, rhythmically dancing with not a even a slight reason or for any purpose. It’s all just there, forced to fall by the weathering ways of Earth’s atmosphere, its recycling. Yet may still compare with individuals prior to “living,”, born without a choice, forced to live amongst others, unknowing & dancing […]
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