In this letter, I wrote about how I’ve felt the last two years. I’m not sure if I’m going to give it to her, but I’ve planned on giving it to her right before I go to bed.
And I’m terrified of what she’ll say.
Too scared to be judged by my mom, dad, sisters. I’m scared that they will judge me for being the way I am and doing the things I do.
They won’t understand what it’s like to cut your skin open to relieve the pain that they don’t see. They won’t understand what it’s like to sit in your room at night and cry. They won’t understand what it’s like to hate yourself every waking moment of the day. The won’t. They never will. I have a feeling they’ll think it’s all in my head. That I’m faking it. But how I could I fake it if […]
But I never knew such strangers could make an impact on my life. You all are incredible. Strong. Indescribable people. You need to know that because of you guys, the ones that have commented on my posts, have helped me through so much more than you think, even with saying the littlest thing. You have helped me so much more than someone who is close to me ever has and ever could.
You guys have saved me. You guys have helped me believe in myself. And I’m here for you, as of those of you who are here for me. So thank you, even if we […]
And I’ve never been more disappointed in myself.
This upcoming January would have been a year of being clean.
I knew I was stronger than this, I had the strength to go this far but I couldn’t take it any longer. I now have marks from quick slices of a blade on my upper thigh. No one else knows about it other than you guys.
But let me say, I’ve never felt better.
I know what it’s like to self-harm. What it’s like to have the feeling of relief after a quick slice. What its like to hold that blade and feel like nothing can stop you. Trust me, I know. Thankfully, after a year and a half, I have overcome that escape. But now, I have three friends who do it. One because she gets yelled at by her mom. One with absolutely no reason to whatsoever. And the other because of a boy.
Im sorry, but there’s no fucking reason to do it if there’s nothing wrong. No reason at all. It angers me so much that […]
All my life I have put my friends before myself. All my life I have asked how they were doing. How they’re holding up. If they’re okay. If they need anyone to talk to. To have a shoulder to cry on. A rock to keep them in place. Someone to come to when they don’t know what to do or what to say. I have always been there. No matter what, I have always been there. I don’t judge, I don’t talk until everything they have to let out is said, I don’t even tell them what’s going on i my life because at those […]
About a month ago, I decided to drink with some friends. I ended up drinking more than I thought and the next thing I knew, I was at a park. I didn’t know how I got there or who was with me at the time, I was just out of it. I was scared. Confused. I had no clue what happened. While I was there, I was in and out of knowing my surroundings and what was happening. I remember my best friend right by me helping me out and trying to figure out what to do. I remember trying to call someone but ending […]
I think the scariest thing about death is what comes after. It’s like your life continues even when you’re not there, at least that’s what I think. But the thing is, is that I don’t want it to continue. I just want it to be nothing. Nothing but blackness. Or nothing but light. Just peace. But sometimes I do hope that my life continues up in heaven or wherever I’m going to end up, because sometimes I don’t want to leave what’s behind.
In all honesty though, I’m terrified of dying.
Because I know I do.
It’s not mine but it still says alot.
Sorry I’m not perfect
Sorry I’m not true
Sorry I’m not happy
Sorry I’m not you
Sorry I’m not there
Sorry I’m not that extraordinary
Sorry I’m not thin
Sorry I’m just ordinary
Sorry I’m outspoken
Sorry I don’t share
Sorry I don’t need you
Sorry you were never there
Sorry I’m not comfortable
Sorry your the same
Sorry that I won’t change
Sorry I’m not a game
Sorry I’m here
Sorry I won’t be gone
Sorry you don’t care for me
Sorry if I’m wrong
Sorry for what I’m about to do
Sorry but I can’t stay
Sorry but I’m going to […]
You never know how alone you really are until you look around and no one is there. Yes, I have friends who say that they’re there for me, but are they really? Well, that’s what they want me to think. By them telling me that they are, they think I believe it. Where are they now? Where have they been? They may be here physically, right beside me most of the time, but they aren’t really. For the last two years I have suffered from depression, gone though a long phase of anorexia, bulimia and cutting, no one knows about my struggle other than my closest […]