I’m too scared.

Too scared to be judged by my mom, dad, sisters. I’m scared that they will judge me for being the way I am and doing the things I do.

They won’t understand what it’s like to cut your skin open to relieve the pain that they don’t see. They won’t understand what it’s like to sit in your room at night and cry. They won’t understand what it’s like to hate yourself every waking moment of the day. The won’t. They never will. I have a feeling they’ll think it’s all in my head. That I’m faking it. But how I could I fake it if it’s been going on for 2 and a half years?

I’m really scared. I don’t want to be judged. Or looked down upon. I don’t want to be who I am.

But the thing I’m most scared of; is myself.