one_day

I don’t get them often. Its been 2 years since I last had one, when I was leaving my ex. My throat closes up and its hard to breathe. Stomach in a knot, nausea, chest tightening. I don’t know what brought it on today. Nothing to do but lie down until it passes. Anyone else get them?

That is all.

Whilst casually text-ranting about racism with a friend, she texted about the anti-semitism she experiences. And how, as a white person, she didn’t realize how much racism is around until this war, now people realize she is jewish, and then they hate her. And I just… wasn’t emotionally available for her. You’d think, of all people, that I would have empathy for someone experiencing racism. But if I’m really honest…. it’s hard for me to empathize with someone who just suddenly woke up to the fact that racism exists on the planet when I’ve been dealing with it my whole life. Part of me resents […]

Standing on the street smoking a cigarette, a young man tries to bum one off me, but I don’t have the pack on me so I share it with him. We chit chat, some things he says are confusing and I assume he’s not all with it. We commiserate about being unemployed, he asks me “What are your dreams?” Kind of a deep question for 5 mins of chitchat. The kind of question only ever asked by people who have dreams of their own. It’s also the kind of aspirational sentiment you get in North America which I will never get used to. In my […]

I asked my best friend yesterday if he knew I suffered from depression. He said I might have mentioned it in passing. This sounds about right – i tend to mention when I’m doing well that I suffer, to let people know I understand. I get the impression people usually don’t believe me because I don’t ‘look’ like I’m depressed in the moment. When I am depressed, I tend to hide and not let anyone see it. But I’ve always wondered, maybe I’m not so good at hiding as I think I am? Maybe some people figured it out. But he told me I seemed […]

Pros? Cons?