Yesterday I went to a party with some close friends. The party ended up being at an apartment complex on the sixth floor. The night went on and things were fun for a while, but then it was like something inside me snapped, or changed. I couldn’t breathe, I felt warm, and I got blotchy and flushed. I went outside onto the balcony. Once I closed the sliding door, I felt so alone. I’m scared of heights, but for some reason I went and leaned over on the railing. Instead of panicking like I usually do when so high up, I stayed and looked down. […]
I know that what I’m feeling isn’t normal anymore. I look around and all I see are happy face in such an unfamiliar town. I desperately want to go home, but I don’t want to disappoint my parents just because I felt unhappy. I hear laughter,gossip, and everyone going out and having a great time. Everyone says college is suppose to be exciting, fun, full of endless friendships and adventure. So far all it’s been for me is crying, sadness, and an overwhelming feeling to be home.
I’ve caved into my depression when I’m here at school, I welcome it like the only friend I have. […]