Author

osmith

Today marks the first day i wrote my first entry on this website. I read through all my entrys and cried at who the person i was a year ago. i still feel horrible, but im slowly learning how to deal with these emotions, and beginning to become a happier and grateful person. most definitly i wake up some day wishing i wasnt alive but at the end of the day i some how find some sunshine in the grey days.

The thing what really made my cry while reading over my entries, was the comments from such amazing people that i have no connection […]

7/31/2014 0 comment

am i the only one?

by osmith 2/25/2014

written by osmith

am i the only one who felt worse once someone told me i had severe depression?
am i the only one who stays up late thinking because sleeping will mean its closer in waking up?

i know a lot of people are feeling how i am, or worse, i just cant stop crying or feeling the way i do. i wont to change, i want to be reborn so i can take away these scares that i’ve been told im weak over. i want to start over, new body, new everything. i want to go to sleep and never wake up again.

2/25/2014 3 comments

love

by osmith 2/24/2014

written by osmith

why does no one love me? i want to feel liked and different from everyone else. i feel like im living the same day over and over again and nothing is changing. im still the aggrisive upset person that people know me as and i want things to change, but its just so hard, so bloody hard. i want someone who can lift my mood. someone who really enjoys my company and is interested in getting to know me. but its me thats blocking that, because im the same grumpy person i was 2 minutes ago, 2 months ago and 2 years ago. i need […]

2/24/2014 3 comments

hello

by osmith 2/23/2014

written by osmith

greetings,
well where do i start?
Im 17 and in my last year of school. i didnt know i would ever make it to year 12 but i have and this could possible be the worst year of my life. i feel tired all the time, i’ve began to cry over simple things like it being too hot while walking home. at night i think about how i could kill myself so i dont wake up thinking about how much im going to fail this year. everyone tells you year 12 is the most important year and at the moment i dont believe in myself […]

2/23/2014 1 comment

all too much

by osmith 2/19/2014

written by osmith

I never realised how much depression effected me and everyone around me until i experienced it first hand. i’ve suffered from depression for over a year and i used to self harm and now im left with embarressing scares that leave something for people to talk about. Im slowly getting better but easily go back into the dark hole for a ffew days where i cant even try to act happy. I recently had a fight with my mother who attempted to hit me which has shaken me up for the past few days and created my mood to very dark.

I want to tell […]

2/19/2014 2 comments

by osmith 9/3/2013

written by osmith

I was to live the life I did 2 years ago, the life where it wasn’t an effort to do simple things like talking to someone. The only thing holding me together right now is my boyfriend and even then I fall apart so easy and become one step closer to cutting or even suicide. Last night I was listening to Demi Lovato who is a big inspiration once I heard what she went through and I began watching videos of her explaining we downfall it led to other people’s stories of depression and I just broke down on the spot I wanted to go […]

9/3/2013 0 comment

What can I do

by osmith 8/25/2013

written by osmith

I feel really bad right now, like it would be better if I didn’t wake up tomorrow. I’m finding it hard to juggle everything especially a boyfriend. I just don’t have time to myself anymore. I really need it, really need it.

8/25/2013 1 comment

Relationships

by osmith 8/1/2013

written by osmith

Ive never been close with my dad ever. i cant remember the last time i had a proper conversation with him that lasted over 2 minutes. this isnt because he is a horrible man who i would want to block out of my life, infact he is the most kind-hearted and gental man that is accepting. when i was diagnosed with depression i had a lot of anger inside of me that i had no where to put it and because he is so gental and kind it seemed like he was easy to step on and let my anger out on. i truely dont […]

8/1/2013 1 comment

My life… I guess

by osmith 7/31/2013

written by osmith

Hi, I’m 16 nearly 17. I was told I had depression 3 months ago and sonce then it feels like everything is getting worse. I was very happy throughout 14 years of my life, I had some problems like only connecting with my household family because of issues with my mum and rarely seeing my dad cause he works. Never thought anything bad of it until I was 15. I had a boyfriend that all went well untill after we were going out for 10 months and things went down hill but I always blamed myself for these problems. He lied to me and in […]

7/31/2013 2 comments