Author

Pum

by Pum 6/22/2014

written by Pum

6/22/2014 4 comments

I’m quite isolated from other people my age; I’m shy and feel uncomfortable around other people quite easily. I never go out and do things with friends. I have casual friends who i talk to at school, I have no real “good” friends who i regularly see out of school.
I used to get depressed quite a lot, mostly last year though. I haven’t really felt depressed in two almost two months now, though suicidal thoughts are a constant threat.

I am almost finished school, and I catch up with friends most days. But once I get home or they leave, I just feel empty. […]

5/26/2014 5 comments

by Pum 5/24/2014

written by Pum

Today I realised why I always assume people hate me and why I try and make them hate me.
I realised that I’d rather people feel something towards me, be that hatred or otherwise, than be indifferent towards me.
I think hatred is one of the easiest emotions to express too, and so that’s why I chose it.
I’d find it a lot easier to tell someone that I hate them than I love them, for example.
But I always used to fall out with people over stupid things and I think that was my attempt at making them hate me because I had started […]

5/24/2014 8 comments

“Title”, cause I’m original.

by Pum 5/18/2014

written by Pum

Being at home became far too painful. It’s an excruciating thing to watch the home life the brought you up for sixteen years, that was your safe place – rot away in front of your very own eyes. And I did what I’m best at – I pushed it away. I didn’t let it defeat me, I refused to let it drag me down.
I would wake at 5 AM just to get some peace from the chaos. I would leave my house for school at 5:30 AM and would walk – along the edge of the cliffs, along the beach for hours on the […]

5/18/2014 3 comments

Depression, for me.

by Pum 1/28/2014

written by Pum

Everything was dull. Clouds hung over my head no matter how brightly the sun shone. I had to resist the nearly uncontrollable urge to fall flat on the ground, curl up into the grey hoodie I had been wearing for days, and cry. It pained me to smile. I was going through one of the worst bouts of major depression I have ever endured.
I fell into a rabbit hole, and theories, disorders, and research, along with a whole lot of blurry and blank areas was my wonderland. I ached to know more. I needed to know as much as I possibly could know about […]

1/28/2014 4 comments

Daydreaming

by Pum 1/27/2014

written by Pum

What do I like? I love to daydream. Vanish into another world that only I know about. Escape from the struggles of reality and breathe easy knowing that nothing is wrong anymore. Everything is OK. I can picture a paradise, and fall deep into the unexplored realm of imagination. I can be separated form those I need no company from, and become closer with the people I want to love. The test tomorrow would disappear, and in it’s place would be adventure and a different life. A different life. An unattainable postulation, but a desirable one. A daydream can transport you away from stress and […]

1/27/2014 8 comments

Romanticising Suicide

by Pum 1/27/2014

written by Pum

It seems that there is a great deal of romanticising of depression going around on the internet (I’m looking at you tumblr), films, books and even music, or I’m just being hyper sensitive and looking to support my hypothesis either way. I do this pathetic thing when I’m depressed where I seek out such horrendous works of publications that romanticise depression. I’ve come across brilliant works that provide a more accurate portrayal, I like those ones, if you’ve got any suggestions shout them out. I feel really angry when I come across these things, and I kinda want to punch whoever created them.

Things that are […]

1/27/2014 3 comments

by Pum 1/21/2014

written by Pum

You might at first have no purpose, drifting and coasting through life without a point, as though by accident. Then you might turn to religion but ultimately find it a hoas and unfulfilling. You might try to be an overachiever but itâ€™s pointless when you realise we all finish last when we die. You might turn to art for expression but find your own attempts a facade. You might try very hard at something and realise it was meaningless, you might give up and feel even worse. You might turn to love someone or something unconditionally only to have it spit in your face in […]

1/21/2014 5 comments

Trying to figure out everything.

by Pum 1/7/2014

written by Pum

I’m not sure if I trust myself, particularly my thoughts. I feel as though my memories are betraying me. I’m permitting the last to take control, a past that is neither factual nor fabricated, a past that I can’t trust. As I reminiscence about what I think has happened I can’t help but question the reliability of the source, have I gone crazy?

No one has a perfect life, some would like to believe they do but perfectionism is a flawed concept, it’s unattainable. Even knowing this some of us strive for flawlessness, even though our search is most certainly in vain.

I often question the meaning […]

1/7/2014 5 comments

Pum

Pum

Pum never makes sense.

“Title”, cause I’m original.

Depression, for me.

Daydreaming

Romanticising Suicide

Trying to figure out everything.