Author

Quiet

Nothing I can say will amount to anything

by Quiet 7/4/2017

written by Quiet

Hey. Been a while.

I usually find that I come to write on this site and read the stories when I’m really low, but every time I go to write, I have nothing good to offer.
I’m sick of my mind.
It’s always the human interaction that lets me down. I met an old friend the other night; we both were drunk and ended up holding each other; the memory of it is killing me. I’m not so foolish to say I’m in love with her, I’d like to think I’m above that type of teenage bullshit; maybe I just love the idea of her, […]

7/4/2017 0 comment

If ever there were a stream of consciousness,

by Quiet 10/19/2016

written by Quiet

I couldn’t tell you how long I’ve just sat at the empty canvas that was this page; time just fades so quickly sometimes. I know that I can’t write like I used to. The words just don’t seem to want to be written: I have to force them, catch them before they float away, then leave them broken on the page. I like to think that my love of words and writing came from my grandmother, the greatest story teller of her miserable life as a child in the war. I think she took my talent away from me when she died. It makes sense; […]

10/19/2016 1 comment

Hellish

by Quiet 10/27/2015

written by Quiet

I am hellish.

It took me a while to finish that sentence. Today, I was exposed to the revelation that I am that friend. That person; I am changing. I found myself today, in one of those common ruts, depressed and anxious to the extent that I could not keep a facade on my face.

These friends of mine are lovely. They do not judge me openly. They listen. The trouble is, you never know what they’re thinking, hearing you speak, watching you move – or not move at all. But today I did something I never have done. I demanded affection.

A friend […]

10/27/2015 2 comments

Guide on being a helpful friend: insert here

by Quiet 10/26/2015

written by Quiet

Hello. How are you?

I have a bit of another social problem. See, I have self-harmed for a long time, and I know how to deal with in. i.e. hiding the scars, dealing with the problems on your own, making sure no body finds out. That kind of deal. I’ve sat on that side of the fence for a long, long time – then I just left the park entirely.

It seems I have entered into someone else’s park, but I’m sitting on the other side of the fence. Today I discovered the cuts on a friend’s wrists. I say friend, its a very loose term […]

10/26/2015 3 comments

Help on a social dilemma?

by Quiet 10/19/2015

written by Quiet

Hello,

Well, I’m anxious to an extreme point right now about future events and was hoping for some advice because I have no one else to turn to right now and I am desperate for some guidance or reassurance, or whatever.

My problem is that I have been invited to a drinking session with nine other close friends for Halloween at which I am praying to stay over night (for obvious reasons and because of the company). The issue is that my mother is doubtful of letting me stay the night and the concept is only a possibility if she meets the host’s mother. The problem here is […]

10/19/2015 2 comments

Needle and thread

by Quiet 10/5/2015

written by Quiet

It’s omniscient to watch all the people close to you drift away. Those that keep yourself together move apart, they reveal all your cracks and damages. And who would want to be around damaged goods? Who has the time, the energy, the effort to give a damn. The world is not full of those who repair broken antiques and beauty. No one is willing or able at the same time to lend both their hands to hold a half of you in each. It doesn’t matter how penitent you are, no matter how generously you try, there isn’t much of a hope that someone will […]

10/5/2015 2 comments

Buried Beneath

by Quiet 10/5/2015

written by Quiet

There are these layers within me. The first one is an ugly smile. I wear it when I can.

The second is my humour. Its black and depressive but effective.

The third is a wall of nothing. It stands there as a last outer defense against this world and all of its people.

The fourth is tears. Those pathetic single-tear dramatisations which reveals and inspires the shame of my being.

The fifth is weeping. The kind when you try to keep silent so nobody hears you but can all see the hiccups of your chest. It lasts for a lifetime. Its the thickest, but most fragile wall. It makes […]

10/5/2015 0 comment

Can only fear

by Quiet 10/4/2015

written by Quiet

I am afraid. Very simply put. Because very rarely am I just afraid with nothing else to feel. There are usually other things, like anxiety, or stress, anger. Not tonight. Tonight I am afraid of the dark, of my dreams, sleeping; of going insane, of staying like this for the rest of my life. I can’t….. I just can’t

10/4/2015 3 comments

Losing him

by Quiet 10/1/2015

written by Quiet

You tend to forget how sadness and depression can have various different aspects to it. Just different types. Here I go, for another round, and I know that I’m not ready for this and honestly, I know there is never a good time, but this has got to be the worst time. This old life was actually starting to get a bit of flare and things were all good for once, despite the massive fuck ups. Its been such a shit year and for a few months things were appearing to be very pleasant. Just going through day by day, not having to worry, just being […]

10/1/2015 4 comments

Hide

by Quiet 8/9/2015

written by Quiet

I just want to hide behind a brick wall because I’m ugly and useless and pathetic. I am incapable of it all. I try to forget the pains those people never knew but old faded scars are literally hurting me. And I just want to hide. Maybe that way I won’t have to look at my dead end future.

8/9/2015 1 comment

Lonely Life

by Quiet 8/3/2015

written by Quiet

Just that moment when you realize that you’ll never make it.

I’ve tried to move forward, socialized, made friends, set goals. And I’ve just discovered that no matter how badly I try, I won’t get there. I won’t finish in the top university, I won’t get into shape, I won’t be beautiful. This never actually would bother me, but I think that I’m envious of my friends dating – just knowing that no girl or guy would ever look at me and thing ‘that’s somebody I could love’.

I know I’ve felt like the world was ending before. But I feel like my whole life has been […]

8/3/2015 1 comment

Staying is killing me.

by Quiet 7/8/2015

written by Quiet

Its been a while. Things have been going better than they normally do for me right now, so I’m really wondering why I feel like things are about to just go to hell. This year’s been pretty shit. I’ve been alone and lonely my whole life, and I’ve finally made some friends to keep that depression at bay – I really do love these people, they make me the happiest I’ve ever been. I guess you could call them the rebellious type, but I don’t exactly know what they’re rebelling against – they drink, do drugs, that kind of thing. Its been good for me […]

7/8/2015 0 comment

Tired….

by Quiet 9/20/2014

written by Quiet

Well, its been a while. A long time since I’ve been viewing the stories here, an even longer time since I bothered to write; truth being I’ve haven’t been able to write (the one think I was once able to do well, now diminished). I guess you find that time of night on that particular day when you feel its about time you came back to just have a look, see how terrible it is that there are some many more people feeling that suicidal depressed way.

I’ve started intense studying. How fantastic (it isn’t). I never knew I tired like this. I’ve always been tired, […]

9/20/2014 1 comment

Drunk

by Quiet 10/27/2013

written by Quiet

I’ve started drinking. Yeah, not the best thing. My whole life was ruined by alcohol. If my father never drank, we’d still be a family. I wouldn’t be depressed. I’d still have my brother and life would be good and normal.

I don’t know why. I truly don’t. Nothing about drowning my troubles, I don’t think. I’ve always done that by cutting and burning. Something feels different this time. I don’t know what it is. I’ve probably just been listening to too much depressing music. I have no idea. This sudden impulse to drink every night; not even to binge, just to drink.Â I guess its easier […]

10/27/2013 3 comments