Rainwatch

Is never fucking wrong. So I got a bit of a start when It read 1hr30 mins for a journey and not the usual 42mins. I also elected to ignore the fact it said part of the motorway was closed and proceeded with the journey anyway. I would pay for that later on. First 30 mins I sped along fine, if there was a logjam I must have avoided it I thought to myself. All of a sudden I drove into traffic at a standstill. A sign glared ‘ Emergency vehicles only on left lane’. I checked google maps it read 2hrs 45 mins. I […]

Was by not ending my life at 15. Sure there were some good times here and there but not enough warrant the daily struggle the suicidal character endures. Even the highest peak of pleasure known to man, that is – sex with a 10 still could not get suicide of my mind. I remember that encounter viv1idly. Years ago I was living briefly in South America. One night I got talking to an amigo   “,Amigo  marijuana no” i said whilst dropping voice low. “Si amigo” said the amigo he continued with “I know a place where the gir bls are like models  sexmassage you shoyld […]

Was by watching/ reading specialized shit, shit far removed from the mainstream, you depart from the mainstream in this world and you go under. I remember building up a collection of non mainstream movies, oh how I wish that collection was in front of me right now, I sold said collection in furtherance of the purchase of drugs, but if that collection was in front of me I would take a sledgehammer to it. I got back into watching mainstream shit such as premier league soccer and noticed an improvement in myself. Food for tbought, perhaps once in a blue moon you can indulge in […]

I popped in to the chipper. There was myself, a drunk, two other customers, a little Italian gentleman who I deduced was the proprietor and a virginal young girl about 18 who was frying the chips. I had to admire the virginal young girls beauty. The drunk was loud and was quite caustic towards the little gentleman in a manner such as  ” you have the best chicken hidden, don’t you? You’re giving me the garbage”. The little gentleman was a bit intimidated by the drunk and retreated to the back quarters of the chipper leaving the virginal young girl to handle the drunk alone. […]

Was what I treated myself to at noon. A roman candle of euphoria exploded in the brain pushing the pleasure to the whole body. I had a few hours to sober up from this joint, six to  be precise, before I would be driving to pick up some more, not something I would advocate, but when sensational shit is available one has to stock up while the going is good. Of course the only problem with a nice joint is it can provoke a desire for a second nice joint. I decided that five hours to sober up would be sufficient, once again not something […]

I was acting on the supposition ppl are stupid, or in this particular case the brunette pharmacist. There was a tonality to her voice which implied her mind was made up and could not be changed, at least that was my deduction from the other end of the phone. Terror made me bold ” but maybe there was a technical glitch, the Ambien is definitely due today” I said. ” No, there has been no to use your phrase technical glitch, the Ambien is not due for another three weeks” she said with that same tonality I didn’t like. This was it ” so there’s […]

Go out of their way to maintain an image. I remember my father telling me a bizarre story about when he worked as a bus driver in the late 80’s. Every morning a well dressed and supposedly well to do man would push his way on to the bus saying ” I have a very important meeting this morning, hurry up”. To which my father responded with  “Im not getting paid enough to hurry, sit down”. This man would get off the bus at the cental bank on Dame street and get the elevator to the top floor, five minutes later he would be ejected […]

There’s always a very short window of opportunity in every facet of life which closes very rapidly, and once closed, is closed forever. When it comes to recovery, shall we say recovery from suicidal thoughts, that wndow of opportunity has closed permanently should you find yourself still suicidal after 21. I recall as younger man being able to feel the window of opportunity close in respect of trying to score weed with the lads. If you like weed you don’t just like it, you fucking love it passionately, like the passionate love between Heathcliff and Cathy in Emily Bronte’s celebrated novel.

I recall vividly standing under […]

I was at the train station. There was a junky going around putting the bite on ppl to use their phone. I couldn’t listen to this shit first thing on a Monday morning. The junky approached me ” Can I use your phone to ring my poor dying mother?” Said the junky. Who the fuck would buy a story like that, or even be able to listen to this shit in the first place. ” Nah…. man” I said.  ” I’ll ask soneone else” said the junky in a deflated manner. ” You do that” I said. I would rather be judged by twelve than […]

I was getting a haircut. ” so, what’s it going to be?” said the barber. ” its going to be a three at the sides and back, nice and short on the top, spiked,tossed, more tossed than spiked, gel, to about this length” I said whilst grabbing a strand of hair to show the length I wanted. There was what I deduced was a socially awkward middleaged man in the next chair beside me. There are subtle differences between a man and a boy. One difference being the ability to socialize comfortably. If one does not become highly socialized one will end up like this […]

A week ago I was up at my parents, conversing with the neighbour. A strange character in my opinion unlikeable shuffling up the road forced his way into the conversation. Perhaps the neighbour knew him, I didn’t nor did I want to. As I suspected the neighbour didn’t like him either and remarked to me that this interruptor who must have been at least 60 fancied himself as a hardman. Yesterday I was up at my parents again and noticed whilst driving into the estate a house which looked like it had been fire damaged. I got talking to the neighbour and got the full […]

I was in the store in pursuance of wood varnish spray. Unfortunately I couldn’t find it so I engaged the female clerk who looked foreign, ” Hi, Im looking for the wood varnish spray” I said. ” What spray?” Said the foreign clerk. One has to stick to his own kind, ppl outside of the Anglosphere tend to be different, when English is not the first language communication problems tend to ensue. ” the wood varnish spray” I said. ” I don’t know wood varnish spray” she said. A girl in her 20’s a fellow shopper got involved, “What was that? The wood varnish spray? […]

Last Sunday I was reclining on the sofa, looking at the ceiling, my left hand on my forehead, trying to worry, trying to worry about the reality of a weedless Christmas. What is worse than no weed is poor quality weed, that is my fucking nightmare. She was sitting opposite me, not so much scrolling on her phone but jabbing into her phone with temper. Her energy was stsrting to get on my nerves. ” look how cranky you get without weed” said I. ” you got me into it, didn’t you” she said. ” Don’t pin on it on me baby” I said. My […]

Turned out to be a man of his word, that is corrupt as fuck, which is just what one needs when it to comes to an insurance scam, particularly house insurance. I showed him around the house, ” You need to splash some water there, loosen a tile or two, put in a nice little coffee stain here” he said. Like anything in life you never know whether a plan will come to fruition or not. He mentioned a figure, a figure I found very pleasing, 12 grand. He wanted 10 percent as his cut. To make a long story short I got the whole […]

Some things just have to be confessed to the world. When I was in 4th class aged 9 there was an ongoing occurrence of someone deliberately missing the urinal and going all over the lavatory floor. This lavatory was adjacent to my classroom so the culprit could have only come from my class. The teacher, who was female so by nature even more gullible than 9 yr old boys came up with the following plan to catch the culprit. This grown woman, if I recall correctly about 35 and in no way fuckable although I do recall I would often stare at her big boobs […]

The doorbell rang, there were two what I deduced were religious crackpots with an angle standimg behimd the door. ” Cold isn’t it” said one of these crackpots. ” yeah, anyway, what do you want?” Said I. The religious nuts were a bit taken aback at my tone. Cliodhna from next door was gettimg into her car, ” Cliodhna, how are you getting on, alright?” Said I with a smile on my face, Cliodhna being easy on the eyes. I turned back to these religious nuts sans smile,they tried to hit me with their pitch ” We are discussing the troubles in the world at […]

I found out that all the negative cliches one hears are all true, the more negatative the more truer it is.  Regarding suicide you don’t go down without a fight but in the end you go down. My predecessors in suicide all said the same thing and I find myself saying it now – nothing works. I tried everything, therapy, anti – d’s, keeping busy, you name it and I tried it. You would want to be absolutely fucking desperate to reach out for help in the first place, reaching out by its very definition is commensurate to the level of distress one experiences, I […]

I like many things about tbis site, chirf amongst them being SP is whete thete os no story/problem that dare not speak iits name.

I found myself waiting in line at the confectionery section which also sold cigarettes which is what I was after. The girl who was of a high standard in my opinion a 9 possibly knocking on the door of a 9.5 was serving. Three customers were in front of me, she seemed quite confident until I came face to face with her, she blushed bright red and cast her eyes downwards, I noticed her hands were trembling. Like I said I would fear being a resident of a nursing home, time goes by in an instant and you never know what tomorrow could bring, the […]