After a small time visit at an evaluation detention center, I have set a definite date for my inevitable departure from this body. My decisions about it have stemmed from the declinationof my life. I’m better as a ghost.
Someone provide the facts of statics of suicide(world wide all methods known and reported) to daily birth rates (world wide reported).
Statistically proven, 1200 people a day roughly, men and women, succesfully execute the neutralization of ones own entity.
Either one overcomes it, or it you.
1200 a day is roughly one million a year. That’s one every 30 seconds respectively.
I prefer to not be one of the billions that is left to subdue ones own entity so that I may feel more better now, than a person. That I know. Not one person has walked my path in this existence. I choose to walk mine no […]
I’m a modern man, a man for the millennium. Digital and smoke free. A diversified multi-cultural, post-modern deconstruction that is anatomically and ecologically incorrect. I’ve been up linked and downloaded, I’ve been inputted and outsourced, I know the upside of downsizing, I know the downside of upgrading. I’m a high-tech low-life. A cutting edge, state-of-the-art bi-coastal multi-tasker and I can give you a gigabyte in a nanosecond! I’m new wave, but I’m old school and my inner child is outward bound. I’m a hot-wired, heat seeking, warm-hearted cool customer, voice activated and bio-degradable. I interface with my database, my database is in cyberspace, so I’m interactive, […]
Its been a few days since I’ve been able to summon the testicular fortitude to see what posts I have been involved with. I approached the only logically sane decisions I have left. Either re-enlist and battle the demons that forged me, or succumb to the inevitably of my remission.
Suicide is the only option I have left. I am ineligible for re-enlistment. I was in hopes that I could disappear as before.
I can get to the level of gone I need to be. Whiskey helps. Ammunition is the glass. My sidearm is the beverage. My hand is the lift. My heart, the ice.
As for me, I’ve found mine.
In the warmth of my reaper.
Her hand is gently grasping mine at the gates.
I’ve waited and wanted a true unconditionally accepting love.
Not once have I thought it would be her loving heart that would welcome me home.
She greets me warm. Her smile is intoxicating.
Her grip is strong, enough to break my will and see her true beauty.
Now I will just say good bye.
Over thinking, over analyzing separates the body from the mind.
Withering my intuition, missing opportunities and I must
Feed my will to feel my moment drawing way outside the lines.
The contemplation of suicide is omnipresent in all of our lives. A choice of staying in this putrid, disgusting, vile, evil, and irreparable existence sickens myself and those that are feeling the same as I am.
We seek nothing more than the affirmations of love, life, truth, justice, and respect.
My inevitable choice is one designed by fate and itself.
I’ve commenced the process of leaving this form.
So familiar and overwhelmingly warm
This one, this form I hold now.
I’m slowly but surely slipping into an eternity of sadness. I’ve lost all interest in all of what once was my passions. Cooking, bowling, working on vehicles, even mingling with a group of friends.
I’ve lost interest in life. Nothing feels good. Everything’s wrong. Nothing feels right anymore.
I’m slowly tearing away. Pieces of me are frail and falling. I can’t seem to make them stay. You’ve run away. Faster and faster Now you can’t seem to get away.
In the life of the wrong
Love lingered on
Love lingered on to frustrations
If our love is so wrong
What should we do alone
Or am I just […]
Today will be my last day here in this world. I wish you all well. May peace find you.
After a month, I was able to hear her voice. I spoke with my daughter. I told her that I love her and miss her. She said that she can’t wait to see me. I didn’t have the heart to tell her that I won’t be here anymore.
I haven’t seen her in 4 months. After a 30 minute conversation with her, my level of joy and relief was overpowered by the truth. I will never be good enough to be in her life or to be with her mother. I have no other known idea than to give up.
I have never once given up on […]
To my father:
I’m sorry I wasn’t good enough. I love you.
To my mother:
I’m sorry I couldn’t your get acceptance.
To my sisters:
You are absolutely strong. Great mothers to your children. One day you will all make the man who chooses you very happy.
To my brother:
My closest friend. My confidante. The bond between us is something that can’t be broken. I will miss you brother.
To my daughter:
I love you. I wish more than anything that has ever been or ever will be how much you mean to me. You are my miracle. A promise to you that I would never stop being here for you. One […]
My shadow, is shredding skin. Drowning my soul, descended angel, fill me with sin.
I can’t turn back now, I’ve said too much.
I greet the end.
Its so warm and calm inside. The depth of the drop will be sufficient for a quick numb. Soon. All gone.
The only thing that has held me closer is becoming more and more eminent.
Hope is at this point a dream. Struggle is a constant force.
I once believed in grace, hope, trust, love, and destiny.
Just fallacious memories that encompass all I have left.
I wish to be held closer by the eminent truth. I will not stop holding it.
Normally I have some sort of poem, writing, or abstract art of words.
Today is different.
I’ve not spoke to her in 3 weeks. Last time was an argument over childish ideology.
When her ringtone started on my phone, I thought I was dreaming. I thought a cruel joke was about to ensue and drape me in yet another dissapointment.
I was right. The slight elevation of her voice rang a seldom felt and more distinct chord within my soul.
First was elation. Delight. Joy.
Last was the truth. The tragic truth of deceptions.
The voice of which I once had no other reason to wake up to, shattered my progress. […]
A constant force of remorse and transgressions.
I awaken each day to another level of hatred for myself. I don’t want to wake up anymore. A definitive motion of loss.
Shamed. I am shamed with the undignified soul of one not meant to stay here. I know I won’t be missed or mourned. I feel the loss becoming me.
Tortured mind is the one I have. No more reason to stay.
Exhausted in the task of waking. Weak in my heart and soul.
I will leave the light tonight.
Lately I’ve been skeptical
Silent when I would used to speak
Distant from all around me
You witness me fail and become weak
Life is overwhelming
Heavy is the head that wears the crown
I’d love to be the one
Disappoints you when I don’t fall down
But you don’t understand when
I’m attempting to explain
Because you know it all
And I guess will never change
But you might need my hand when
You’re falling in your hole
When I’m letting go of You and me
I’m not wanting anyone to say stop. I’m standing on the chair in the basement of my house. I have paracord tied securely to the steel beams of the house. A noose around my neck. Smoking my favorite cigarette. With a Guinness and a tall drink of jameson.
FUCK IT. IM GONE.
Alone in my room. Seclusion of my mind. Distortion of my life.
Emptiness surrounding me. Darkness shrinking proximity. Sanity is slowly progressing towards the farthest realms away from me. Out of my grip.
The sun is warm. The moon is pale. Rain is moving in.
Another form of discontented absolution. I pray to never feel the warmth of the sun and its lies. I pray to never understand the darkness and the truth it’s proving.
I’m straddled on a chair. The rope is synced to a sturdy place. The rope around my neck shows comfort and truth. Soon I will join the ranks of fallen.
The rope is here
I’ll find a use
I’ll kill myself
Put my head in a noose
Slowly loosing care.
Losing consciousness, I’m barely aware.
A promise that was broken.
My life is the key,
This time is a rollercoaster, oh
I wish you were here.
Divulge myself into loathe and hate.
I won’t last much at this rate.
Lying, dying, yet not one use.
The inevitable truth is forever my fate.
Goodbye cruel world, I wish you well.
I’ll take the clasp of the reaper,
And I’ll see you all in hell.