Author

rubdoo50

It can get better

by rubdoo50 10/27/2016

written by rubdoo50

About a year ago i was a regular visitor to this site. I even made a few posts about my plans for suicide. I was severly depressed & made 3 attempts at suicide within a year. The closest i came to death was when i hung myself in my flat. My mum was meant to be coming to my flat for lunch but turned up early to find my house completely locked up & could hear me gasping/choking inside. Long story short her & my neighbours managed to get into my house & cut me down before I’d killed myself.

So that resulted in me […]

10/27/2016 3 comments

Still here..

by rubdoo50 2/1/2016

written by rubdoo50

A few days i bought a whole lot of supplies for my exit & wrote on here that I would soon be leaving. For anyone following that post I am still here (obviously).
I decided to go and visit my mother for the night before I committed suicide. I was still convinced that now was the right time but during the night this really weird thing happened…..
I woke up during the night as i thought i heard my mum out in the hallway. I tried to sit up in bed and call out to my mum to ensure she was alright (she was […]

2/1/2016 8 comments

this is it

by rubdoo50 1/28/2016

written by rubdoo50

Spent $250 today on supplies for my exit.
Have booked in a days leave from work in two days time so I have the whole night and day by myself to pull this off.
I have tried before & failed. It was painful and i dont want to go through that again.
The method Ive chosen this time should be painless if all goes to plan.
Thoughts of my family keep trying to push their way into my brain, but I keep pushing them out . I know they will be OK & I know I simply can’t go on being me.
I’m a […]

1/28/2016 29 comments

Faces of suicide

by rubdoo50 9/16/2015

written by rubdoo50

Facebook page – “Putting a face on suicide”

Just in case there are others out there like me who like to obsessively scroll through photos of people who have committed suicide. (Or is this just me?). They are kinda inspirational (but that’s a really wrong & stuffed up thing to say isn’t it!)

Great page with HEAPS of photos & stories. Their poor families. But glad they found their peace, I hope to join them soon.

9/16/2015 9 comments

My last night

by rubdoo50 8/22/2015

written by rubdoo50

Hi guys,

so it’s decided tonight is my last night. Tomorrow evening I am staying in a motel room & am going to hang myself there (so my family don’t have to find my body). I really wanted a more painless method than hanging but after researching and researching it on CO poisoning or the helium exit bag these options are too logistically difficult for me. I feel quite happy right now knowing that it’ll soon be over, but will no doubt be extremely nervous tinorrow. I also feel extremely guilt ridden knowing this is really going to hurt the ones I love. I try to […]

8/22/2015 22 comments

Those who have gone..

by rubdoo50 8/20/2015

written by rubdoo50

Is anyone else on here fascinated with the faces & stories of those who have committed suicide?

I spend hours watching YouTube “people who have committed suicide” then researching everyone of those faces to learn their story & look at their facebook pages.

They all look like such beautiful, everyday normal people

I hope to have their bravery someday soon!

8/20/2015 6 comments

Generator in car

by rubdoo50 8/20/2015

written by rubdoo50

I want to run a generator in my car. Anyone know if this will work?

8/20/2015 6 comments

5 words to describe your personality?

by rubdoo50 8/20/2015

written by rubdoo50

How would other people describe your personality? I know most of us on here probably have self esteem issues, so try & look through others eyes not your own 🙂

My doctor said that those of us who suffer from suicidal thoughts tend to have similar traits & not be horrible, selfish people that others think we are. Would also be interested in ages.

Me: quiet, conscientious, kind-hearted, nature & animal lover, submissive (I.e not dominant, will put other people first). 24 years old.

Thanks for sharing 🙂

8/20/2015 25 comments