About 70% of my thoughts are devoted to blood. Specifically, my blood. I can’t stop thinking about the times I was almost deep enough. During the actual moments of cutting, it always feels deep enough. Sometimes it feels too deep. I cry out in my head “god it hurts stop, you are going too far!” and then I look at myself and am filled with disgust. You see, I don’t cut to die, I cut because it gives me self worth—or at least, it is supposed to. It never quite works out that way. I always feel pathetic for not cutting deep enough after the […]