I have become a caffeine addict for the reason that it is easier to tell myself that the unrest and disquiet I feel comes from a chemical stimulus rather than that my own body is unable to chemically stabilize itself. Â It, so far, is keeping me alive. Â Maybe if I can lie to myself, tell myself that this urge to cut, to die, is due to me drinking too much coffee, then I can stay here a little longer?
