I was raised with the evil lie that I was special and that there was a God who had a plan for me. As a kid I didn’t know any better so I foolishly bought into this dumb story and endured my suffering thinking that one day I’ll do something great and maybe get rewarded for it.
Of course once you are old enough to reason, the fog lifts away and you’re faced with the ugly truth that there was no plan. It was a fairytale they tell gullible people to feel better about themselves. I realized then that I was an imperfect being who was a product of two people who themselves were flawed and there was nothing more to it.
There was no magic paradise waiting for me after I’ve suffered on this planet. This is the only life I ever get and I could keep going or just check out whenever I’d like-it won’t be easy but it can be ended.
I tallied up all the pros and cons about living and decided it’s a mixed bag, there are some good things and some bad. If my life was much worse then I might’ve ended it sooner and believe me I came pretty close a few times.
I kept going because I had hope in time I’ll be like most other ordinary people. I’d get a house, a wife, maybe a family, work and enjoy some good things about life. Things didn’t quite go as I hoped and I’m still struggling to get established.
So I ask myself why the F do I keep going on when my life has been largely a failure with little hope of improvement? I think it’s like that carrot on the stick, I continue to think that things will improve, maybe not this year but couple more years from now.
I also don’t want to let a couple of my family members down, well one really-the rest are fine. It’s a strange thing to keep living even though you know you should be dead.
I feel I’ve had a “good run” in the sense that I gave it this life a shot, I experienced many things and unless I get rich, there’s a limit to how much more enjoyment I can get out of life because that takes money and time, the freedom to pursue your passions/interests.
I really don’t want to be a wage slave the rest of my life, helping someone else get rich while I just barely meet my needs and all my life gets wasted working my best years away.
Hard to believe there are mobs of idiots out there who are trying to stop people from ending their own life (those anti-Euthanasia groups). They have nothing better to do than to make other people’s lives even more difficult than it already is.