I wonder now if it is impossible to kill the darkest part of yourself. I want nothing more than to murder the other part of myself, but sadly it is intertwined with the part of me that by necessity must live. My constant struggle continues in a blur of rage and suicidal desire. What is probably the saddest part of this tale is that I cannot simply “TALK” to someone about this. It’s not like I don’t know how to convey the emotions, or how to tell someone what is going on with me, it is more like an infection. I know better than anyone […]
: to be honest i simply have grown tired of life…. I was hoping that by doing this the right way I would grow stronger … strong enough so that even I wouldn’t have to talk to anyone about the burning inside my soul. the inadequacy that I feel every time I walk into room. The shadow that I cast at dusk… It is a large shadow. It is painted with my suffering and misdeeds. I am truly a monstrosity. I am unworthy to live. and yet… many keep telling me that God wants me alive. that I ought to keep striving to survive , […]
Imagine if you will a dark room painted with light and shadow. Objects stand in various positions casting different images, but something is wrong. Shouldn’t the light cast the shadows? No, instead in this case, the Shadows are casting light. The objects, enveloped in the deep black have somehow determined to paint it with some sort of luminescence. But this imaginary construct does not exist, in fact, beyond being impossible, it is metaphorically maddening. Yet, this is the image of myself , of the tears , that fade into black , because they are themselves black , they are the blood of the world that […]