Relapse is such a *****. Things were going so well for me. Why did I visit my old box? What did i expect to feel when i picked up my old blades? Repulsion? Disgust? Or maybe i knew i would get the release i had been looking for. Maybe i knew that the urge i had been fighting all this time would finally be satisfied. I know i started feeling a bit lost when i realized my scars were fading. Why that is? I honesty dont know. Im ashamed by the lack of will power i had this time around. Seven months of no self […]
Ive struggled with depression and anxiety for four years now. I know of people who have had to fight their battle for way longer than that. My friends and the people on the internet say that recovery is possible. They say hold on to hope, look at the brighter side of life, think about your future. What happens when i do all that and more, but still want to die? Even at my happiest, i have that gnawing feeling of hatred for life in the back of my head. I know suicide shouldnt be an option. I know i have a lot to live for. […]