stay strong, keep hope.

Relapse is such a *****. Things were going so well for me. Why did I visit my old box? What did i expect to feel when i picked up my old blades? Repulsion? Disgust? Or maybe i knew i would get the release i had been looking for. Maybe i knew that the urge i had been fighting all this time would finally be satisfied. I know i started feeling a bit lost when i realized my scars were fading. Why that is? I honesty dont know. Im ashamed by the lack of will power i had this time around. Seven months of no self harm gone down the drain in such a short moment. I dont even feel like i cut deep enough. I want more, i always do. I guess its time to find something to distract my mind. Im not sure how to end this post. All i can say is, to anyone who is in the same situation i am, stay strong and keep hope. Its all we can do for ourselves at this point.