Silent Screamer

I just cried in my therapist’s office

I was holding A LOT back, but for the first time in months,

I actually cried.

I have a new addiction

Its odd

Intead of cutting

(which is now my 2nd addiction)

I just wanna take pills

The feeling is just so amazing

If money was never invented

And everyone was so called nice

There would be less depression.. And alot less stuff

Why can’t we just give

I swallowed 6 aspirins

Not much right ?

Getting a hell of a reaction

I really can’t even find a reason to live anymore..

Before my mom knew that I cut,
Since I was in the bathroom or my room for so long

She thought I was taking naked pictures of myself & some other stuff

She checked my phone and my faacebook

Believe it or not mom, but I don’t send naked pictures of myself

Not like you do

Gripping the blade
Press
Press against my skin
Glide
Glide & slicing
Pain runs throug my vains, emotionally, yet physically ok
Red crimson
Dotting
Dotting out from my self inflicted incision
A smile
A smile find its way to my face
Adrenaline
My pacing heart
One of the beat feeling in this sick world

My mom bought me this legit strips to make my scars go away.

As crazy as it seems..

I don’t want them to go away.

My mom is taking my fucking money.

I am saving it for a fucking reason!!!

I just found one of my blades in my book..

Talk about luck!! 😀

If I could just have my music and the type of books I read.

I’d be the happiest person on the planet.

I don’t know.

I don’t know about anything anymore.

I am so confused.

About everything.

I don’t care how shitty my blade is.

Its gonna be my best friend tonight.

I knew it would happen.

Why do I always get too fucking attatched?

I’m never gonna be good enough for anyone.

She turns on the water.

Making sure its cold.

Very cold.

Takes off her bra and underwear, slowly, but without hesitation,

She steps in the water,

Foot by foot,

Seeing her black toe nails under the water, looks beautiful to her,

Why?

No one will ever really know.

She sits down in the tub.

Her whole body in the freezing water.

Seeing her scars,

The wide, pink, teathered up scars on her thy.

She draws her attention away from the scars and slides her self down to be under the water.

She stays there,

Just stays, waitng to run out of breath.

She loves the feeling of running out of breath.

She comes back up.

Looks to her right,

And grabs her blade.

Her trusty […]

I sacrifice so much important shit for my “friends.”

So much fucking shit.

Guys, happieness, time, love, laughter, other things.. so many fucking important things.

I have no one.

No one.

I want to leave.

I WANT TO FUCKING LEAVE.

Seriously,

Please.

Just,

Let me be gone.

I’m so afraid to get too attached.

Blah.

I lost you,

I lost you as a bestfriend.

Because of some boy you said you didn’t care about anymore..

I told you my explanitation

But ok

Fuck you,

‘friend’.