We’re all little dust particles, none of us really matter in the end, but we can enjoy floating in the sunlight
Until the sky clamps shut and we fall to the floor in dark water
Shit, I didn’t take my pill today, what the fuck am I thinking
The dictators forced me to get a haircut so that I wouldn’t look like a long-haired stoner dude. Hey, not my fault I’m tall and and shaped like a rod. Plus they took my button-down shirts
Yay, the lady chopped off my hair to my chin, so now my hair curves at the end. My grandma says it’s “cute” and “brings out the color of my eyes.”
Yay, my aunt said I look tacky and that I was just trying to piss off my conservative grandmother, and that this was for attention because I (sullenly) endured dresses when I was five.
I’m a selfish piece of shit for […]
I’m a teen female by birth. For a while I’ve been wearing guys clothing. Comfortable, confident, the whole picture. My dad’s all right with it – he’s pretty open-minded. I wish I was living with him.
My grandparents and my mother…ha, whole other story. They can’t imagine why a person with a feminine name wouldn’t want to wear flowery tops and cardigans. At Goodwill they frowned at my pile of baggy shorts and shirts. Almost told me to put the crap back, even though I was using my own money. I don’t get it – they should be happy I’m not wearing bubble-ass shorts. Sorry, I’m […]
It’s wonderful to be a little pawn in the chess game called divorce. I’m being fought over by both sides. I can only keep my sanity when I’m living with my dad. I’m an emotional crutch for my mother, a dress-up doll for my grandmother.
My dad is trying to make the divorce as smooth as can be. Basically, my mother’s side has to also be happy. And they want me. So he must surrender me in the process. I’m screwed. I have no fucking choice in the matter. I have to watch my four year old brother while doing online school work, wasting away in […]
Who needs suicide when the pain can rot away your insides for you?
He he, I’m going to die sooner or later. We all do! Whether it be 80 years from now, or the next time I take the plunge over the quarry’s edge. It’s all fluff.
I rolled up the night on a spool of black silk and never will I return again. He he, J has a carrot in her mouth. My dad’s carrot. My dad’s truck is in her driveway. My mother’s institutionalized.
No more refills without a doctor’s appointment. Ha. But there’s no one to tell that to. Going to be interesting in the […]
Hey, I don’t care what you’ve done, what you’ve failed, or why you browse this website. I don’t know why you’re hurting, why you’re hollow, why you’re crumbling, why you’re going to snap out of this fake world.
Have a good day. Haha, that’s an empty phrase. I know a lot of you aren’t having good days. A lot of you can’t remember what a good day exactly is. World’s in grey-scale, numb, dull ache.
You people are wonderful and strong. I’ll probably never meet you guys, but I wish you the best. Love from a random troubled stranger on a random computer in a random world.
Yay, end of […]
I’ve figured it out, people.
Do you know what happens when you die? You’re just a wisp, a ghost, who floats throughout the world watching others
It’s a wonderful, soothing feeling
You learn more about mankind, the flawed beauty
You can watch the president turn older and brittler
You can comfort an abused child, just by listening
You can sit beneath the Eiffel Tower and listen to the rain clicking
You can lie down in a green valley that no man has seen
The possibilities are endless, my ink-stained sorrowful brethren
I know because I took the plunge
Tell that black-honey buzzard to stop talking to me
Please, I can’t take it anymore, it’s telling me there’s relief on the kitchen counter in the wood block
It’s sitting next to me laughing its head off. Stop it, it’s dripping honey all over my striped arms
Please kill it, someone
Box of terror and fear and double-standards and self-loathing and discrimination and thumping and rejection
According to a certain book of love, you can own slaves, capture hot women and make them your wives (a.k.a rape them and call it marriage), force your wife to swallow dust to ensure fidelity (if she fails, you can kill her), tear open pregnant women’s stomachs if they don’t agree with you, burn to death a sinful man’s property (a.k.a his children)… there’s a few others.
I’m not discriminating against Christianity – there’s nothing wrong with it, nowadays. Many Christians today are pretty kind. But look at that friggin’ source content. […]
What would happen if I began shrieking? And then took a permanent marker and scarred up my grandmother’s gleaming new cupboards? And then chucked a glass mug through the windowpanes? Let all that chilled air in here.
She’s cleaning something in the bathroom…I’m doing schoolwork…ooh, I’m tempted…
I need to stop this. A spell is coming on, I can feel it, this is a bad time…can’t concentrate. Gonna hurt something.
There’s a caved-in Valentine’s balloon in the living room, floating near the ceiling…ha ha, Valentine’s day…my mother was committed to the hospital on the day of love…we brought her flowers and told her through glass smiles that she […]
I’m rotting
9:20 PM. V-8 + Lit. Homework.
Could’ve had a V-8.
Could’ve swallowed more moons.
Could’ve told you the truth.
Could’ve spoken your mind.
Could’ve hated your dad’s girlfriend.
Who’s humming? Someone’s humming
Valentine’s Day is depressing, not because you’re alone, but because it’s when your mother is pleading for flowers and your dad says sorry, there’s only ten dollars till Tuesday, can I wait? I love you, I promise, you’ll get a big bouquet if you can wait till the 16th…it’s still love, right?
This Valentine’s Day, my mom’s in the hospital and my dad’s with his girlfriend and I don’t know who to love anymore
I haven’t posted on here in a while…my last note was sort of melodramatic. A lot has happened since then. I won’t delve into it.
I think I might have an answer. An answer to my depression, my self-harm, my self-consciousness. For years I haven’t felt comfortable in public, around other people. I’ve felt like a giraffe in a group of flamingos. Weird analogy, I know.
I’m a teen female, by the way. But for a while I’ve identified as more androgynous. I haven’t expressed this feeling openly (my family isn’t really open-minded). I feel more confident wearing gender-neutral/transmasculine clothing. But put me in bright tops, and…I’d fucking faint […]
Leaving this world tonight. Gonna pack up and try somewhere else. This illusion’s crumbling. I saw myself in the mirror for the first time. Little grey mouse.
Wish me luck
I have to tell someone before I go – see, the world has been draining of color for a while now, all the blood seeping out like snow melting on the ground…and today I saw something. It whispered in my ear to go. There was a person smiling in the orange rock by the window, and then he was gone. He had jumped to the top of the pine tree overlooking the hotel, he was waving, waving madly, his face so faint that the wind could erase it.
This reality is a lie, it’s a sham, – I have to go to the Kalahari desert before the […]
I have a friend
His name is knife
Quiet, sharp and always right
He won’t judge me
For my actions
He listens, he gleams and then he strikes.
Carves a tombstone for my pain
Dipped in red ink and washed in rain
Cause you know what they say
An inch of sting
Is better than a lifetime of grey ache.
What’s the stat? 50% of happy blushing couples end up in bitter divorce, right?
So…there’s prospects of a divorce, finally. For my parents. After 15 miserable years. She becomes increasingly self-absorbed, clingy, needy, sensitive. He becomes withdrawn, detached, bitter. He falls in love with another local woman, bubbly, blonde, a book-lover, confident, independent. I half-guessed that my dad was swirling around with someone else. It was inevitable.
It was wrong, yes, but I can’t blame him. My mother isn’t easy to live with. Actually, it’s pure hell. Don’t get me wrong, I do love her – many good traits, etc – but my mom and my dad […]
Glass marbles,
Spiraling over the floor,
Blue, green, red.
Some are retrieved
And put in a shiny jar.
Others fall down vents
Or collect dust under the sofa.
One is gulped down by the rat-haired dog.
My question: Do the prettiest marbles end up in the shiny jar?
Hey. Look, I’m sorry. But I didn’t kill myself. I was just burying the corpse.
Hello. You can call me M. I’ve never told my story honestly to anyone. But if you’re willing to listen to a bland rant, please stay.
My therapist is the closest to actually understanding me – not my dad, my mother, my grandmother, no one – but my therapist – we’ll call her K – she pried into my life and summarized me. Helped me. Listened. Laughed.
Ironically, I’m just a young client to her, a misguided, awkward teen. Nothing more. She’s an objective audience, untied by family biases.
And she’s indifferent, correct? She endures my little tales of woe and anxiety, etc, before dismissing me from her […]