I am so ready to give up. I feel like everything is going to boil over like a pot of water left on the stove. I feel like my heart already has the burnt marks of scorched popcorn bag. I hate the fact that I allowed so many people to come into my life just to use and abuse me. I’m not going to ask why because I realize and accept my full responsibility. I know that people can do what I allow them to do. I always wonder why I was so dumb. Why I couldn’t see what I now see. Why was it […]
So many of my “friends” (i.e. people that I know) have told me that I need to find something that makes me want to live. So I thought and I thought and I thought, and I came up with the fact that books….I can live for books. There are so many books that I can spend my time reading. I’ll never run out of books to read.
So once I figured this out, I started going to the library and checking out 20 and 30 books to read at a time. I’ve begun to read all of the time, spending whole days laid up in bed […]
I feel like I’m being a fake person. Now that I’ve started to do my work, trying to focus more and do what is “expected” of me. I go to class, I do my homework. The problem is, I’m not 100% into it. No matter what I’m doing, I find myself wondering why I even bother doing anything. I feel like it’s too late to bring my grades up (it’s past midterms) and I’m failing two out of four classes as a junior college student. I don’t know how to come back from that. I’m scared to talk to my professors about it because I’m […]
Why is it so hard to get mental help when you need it? I’m a college student with parents that don’t know that anything’s wrong, and $10 to my name.
I started going through what I needed to do to prepare to commit suicide…one of my friends caught on and told me maybe I should go get help. I said I would do it for her. It’s been an uphill battle trying to find someone to take my insurance, and being able to get an appointment. Most places don’t take appointments for the intake paperwork, so I have to miss a whole day of class for […]
The only reason I’m still alive right now is because I’m scared it won’t work or it will hurt. I know how I want to go, but it isn’t a guaranteed death…there’s the fact that I may be found, and there’s the fact that I just get really sick instead of dying. I’ve been researching to see if my method will really work or if I’ll just lay there forever with a messed up stomach. If I could be sure that I would just slowly leave, I would do it in a heartbeat.
I’ve said goodbye to everyone I need to. Only two people picked up […]