That feeling that everyone hates you? That you’ve got absolutely nothing to live for? That your life is horrid and you have nothing to look forward to?That feeling that no one cares and they wouldn’t notice if you were gone? The world would be better if I were dead.
My arms are so cut up right now that there is no room left to leave more gashes. I guess I will start on my legs. It doesn’t hurt and I’m beginning to feel really dizzy. Dizzy dizzy dizzy.
I stayed up all night reading every entry you had made. I felt out of place–guilty even. I feel as if I have been given a little window to your head, your heart. It thrills me that you’re just like me. Hurting so badly, but hiding it so well. We are different though. You have so many friends who support you, encourage you. I have just me. I’m scared of what you’ll do. What I’ll do. I’m scared of this whole world. Of my life. Running saves me. Feet pounding the ground, lungs bursting, until the pain becomes real. The pain I crave, am addicted […]
Nobody in the real world understands. The few people that i have told about my cutting and suicidal stuff don’t understand. They don’t know how cutting could make me feel good. They don’t get how it would help me. They think i’m just out to get attention. They threaten to tell adults, so that i can stop “being such an idiot.” They hate me. Even the people who don’t know about it hate me. They say I talk too much. They tell me to kill myself in the shower. They say I’m fat. They tell me that I should be in a special house with […]
I wonder if someone were to jump off a bridge or a building or something if they would regret it while they’re falling. You know like when you’re jumping off a diving board and halfway down you realize it wasn’t such a good idea after all because you’re about to land in the cold water. I wonder if once they jump to kill themselves they suddenly wish they hadn’t and wish they could reverse it. Maybe they don’t even think about it. idk.
I am so done with this
I saw this lady commit suicide. I was in the car with my mom. I saw a car in the ditch. I didn’t really think anything of it. A ways up I saw a lady standing by the side of the road. I told my mom to be careful because I thought she may be crossing. There was a truck in front of us. The lady jumped under the back wheels of the truck. My mom slammed on the brakes and we came to a stop only a few feet from her bloody body. She moved for a few seconds and then just stopped. She […]
Track starts on Monday. I love running. When I run I can almost clear my mind of everything and only focus on my breathing. It’s wonderful. Last year I was the fastest on the team. It was awesome. I’m dreading it this year though. The uniform is a tank top and short shorts. I am not allowed to wear anything except that. My arms and legs are covered in cuts and scars. The coaches will probably think I’m crazy and send me to the school counselor or call my parents. Everyone else on the team will reject me and ill become “that emo girl.” I […]
they say im in “la-la land.” i like it here, nobody’s mean to me. am i the happy girl everyone thinks i am? or is that just a shell that covers whats really there. do they think i dont care about not having friends? they could never be more wrong. if anyone knew i was really a depressed, suicidal, freak, than the rejection would be so much worse. i would love to kill myself and see if anyone noticed. even if they did, they wouldnt care. nobody cares. my whole life feels numb. i never really thought of myself as a cutter. i guess i […]
Older Posts