Author

sophie

What does it matter. 19 years down the hole in my opinion

holy grail

by sophie 6/4/2014

written by sophie

i fought with myself for all of 2 seconds before posting this.

I feel morally corrupt for even doing this but here goes. I found a new site called Lost All Hope. its lostallhope.com.
its supposed to have methods, stats, links and all that good stuff.
I felt like if i posted that here, I’d be giving people the fuel they need to do what they want to do and that it would be all my fault. But i also know how desperate I get when I get in those moods and how I wish someone could point me in that direction. I may or may […]

6/4/2014 6 comments

someone always has it worse apparently

by sophie 5/17/2014

written by sophie

but i guess it makes my problems less important

every few days i find the idea of a drug addict life more and more attractive
maybe the short lived thrill seems better than no thrill at all

i want to be in partial control. experience “happiness” and do it over again

then when i get tired of it, do my big finale

sounds stupid but thats what i want. i gave up on wanting the better things. odds are slim and get slimmer every day
i cant explain it. i dont want anything. i want to die

5/17/2014 3 comments

decisions decisions

by sophie 5/7/2014

written by sophie

suicide by police would be a pretty cool way to go. imagine the adrenaline rush

i wouldnt know where to get a gun though. or an object threatening enough to be considered armed

5/7/2014 14 comments

drugs. lots of it

by sophie 4/30/2014

written by sophie

wouldnt it just be easier to get a load of drugs and OD? as opposed to suffocation, jumping, gunshots, etc.

i never understood the hanging thing either

4/30/2014 11 comments

im down again

by sophie 4/28/2014

written by sophie

and if each of us are doomed to continue like this, fuck it

“find a hobby” when you’re tired of doing that, then what?
“take a nap” I can’t nap forever. what do you want me to do?
“its not your fault” yeah well when your human incubation system fails you and you face stretching your vagina for a dead baby you come back and try saying that again

4/28/2014 2 comments

deterioration

by sophie 4/25/2014

written by sophie

I have this wild urge to drop everything to move away and be a stripper in a big city.
Is that considered reckless behavior? or reckless thinking in this case?
I’m almost drawing up a game plan here to leave this winter.

I’ll end up destroying myself.. I can feel it

4/25/2014 23 comments

realization

by sophie 4/23/2014

written by sophie

i realized i’m very self centered.

i’m all about me. i feel like the world should stop and help me fix all my feelings. but that never happens nor will it ever.
i’m a broken record reiterating my problems, feelings and concerns to the world expecting help or consolation.

screw it

4/23/2014 4 comments

dr steve

by sophie 4/21/2014

written by sophie

my friend left me.. come back. i get it

seriously

4/21/2014 0 comment

welp

by sophie 4/21/2014

written by sophie

i got a job at mcds today… baby steps

4/21/2014 15 comments

optimism

by sophie 4/20/2014

written by sophie

i get overly optimistic after smoking.. does anyone else get that way?

i have this whole game plan for life. then when the high wears off. i’m back to square one. suicidal and damn near tears

4/20/2014 4 comments

my angel

by sophie 4/17/2014

written by sophie

some days i’m okay but other days like today i’m not. i’m trapped in my thoughts thinking about this baby that never took a breath. at times i find myself literally sitting up staring at the wall. what could i have done to possibly warrant this event.

sometimes i think maybe its for the best. she could’ve grown up to be the worst human ever

other times i think its my fault. whoever took her away thinks i cant handle the task of raising her right. maybe i was in over my head. maybe i wasnt ready. i couldnt do it.

i’d rather suffer trying and be constantly […]

4/17/2014 10 comments

Monkey Nightmare

by sophie 4/16/2014

written by sophie

I had the worst nightmare last night.

Some of you remember a post about me having a stillborn baby girl.

So beautiful.

Anyways, I had a dream last night that the world was being overtaken by primates. Sounds crazy but hang in there. Primates of all kinds. Orangutans, monkeys, chimps, gorillas, etc. they ran around screeching and destroying anything within reach. Meanwhile the sky was grey with only a few streetlights to reveal the streets. Before the â€œinvasionâ€ I was at home in bed with my boyfriend, very pregnant might I add, and proceeded to go into labor. The fastest and best labor in the world in my […]

4/16/2014 5 comments

Doo Dee Doop

by sophie 4/3/2014

written by sophie

hello 🙂

4/3/2014 5 comments

Unfortunately i’m back

by sophie 3/16/2014

written by sophie

I hope it’s the same crowd of people. Most likely its not. It’s been almost a year or 2. Oh well, i’d like to continue my story.
I got pregnant in June. At the time it was the worst thing to ever happen to me. My boyfriend and I were fighting and I was thinking about suicide every night. Sitting on the bathroom floor with knees to my chest like in the movies. Bawling my eyes out with him only a room away knowing that he could care less.
I smiled when I saw the pregnancy test. It was all so bittersweet. I always wanted […]

3/16/2014 15 comments

I overstay my welcome quite a lot

by sophie 6/11/2013

written by sophie

and I can tell you right now. if I’m alive a few years from now, expect me to be ripped.. I workout when i’m upset but i dont think thats a good thing.

6/11/2013 0 comment

Maybe I’ll just go

by sophie 6/11/2013

written by sophie

Wherever I was before is better than being here. Its the same here. exactly the same. reminded about things i dont want to be reminded of and as alone as i’ll ever be.

6/11/2013 0 comment

Help?

by sophie 6/11/2013

written by sophie

so how does a person go about making a friend around here?

6/11/2013 7 comments

I Left Because

by sophie 6/11/2013

written by sophie

I realized that i was on the verge on bullying a member of this site. I know what it feels like to have a bad day and for some reason that day i just wasnt remembering. I gave someone a hard time for being a downer and I was ashamed. It really hit me when I noticed that when I have an especially bad day, any small event can push me over the edge. Everyday I browse this site looking for that person I bullied and I dont see their name. I can only hope that he’s left this site because he’s doing well and […]

6/11/2013 0 comment

Hi Dawg

by sophie 6/11/2013

written by sophie

🙂

6/11/2013 7 comments

.

by sophie 6/5/2013

written by sophie

back to where i was a year ago. i remember this place so vividly and it haunts me how late i used to be up just to talk to the people here. it made me feel so much better. i would fall asleep with laptop in arms and when i awoke in the morning, pissed. Pissed that I woke up. Why can’t something miraculous happen while i’m asleep. I could give some terminal cancer patient another chance by leaving here and giving them my time. I always think that. I don’t want to be here but i’m forced to. like putting a boot on a […]

6/5/2013 1 comment

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