Author

Domino Jays

DOMINO. Just a kid needing to vent where he can find the room to do so.

Domino Fell Down, Mommy.. (Question for Y’all)

by Domino Jays 10/24/2013

written by Domino Jays

It’s been how long now? I don’t really remember. But I do know there is some major shit going down at my house.

Specifically, Mom and Dad split up, Mom has a boyfriend, Dad has a fiance, sister’s pregnant and due in about 3 weeks.

Lots of shit.

And then there’s me.

Domino.

Y’know, I’ve been to hell and back with depression and suicide. And I was doing good too. So what the hell happened?

I might as well be clear with you all, at least the people who are going to read this. I’m a gay transboy. Which means a lot of stuff. First, I’m a boy in a girl […]

10/24/2013 7 comments

Safe and Ignorant ( A New Comfort Zone )

by Domino Jays 4/4/2013

written by Domino Jays

“Stay with me
Safe and ignorant”

-Pet, a Perfect Circle

Well, it’s official. I grew a comfort zone. Is that even possible? Apparently, because not only do I have the comfort zone bound to my guy, but now I grew one to my teddy bear. the worse part is, it seems like the comfort zone with my guy in it is depleting. God I wish it wouldn’t yet I want it to so badly.

My new comfort zone, the one with the teddy bear. It feels like I can just hold onto him and just ignore the rest of the world easily. I’m numb when I hold onto […]

4/4/2013 1 comment

Preparations

by Domino Jays 3/20/2013

written by Domino Jays

For a while now (for as long as I can remember; 2-4 weeks.), I’ve been okay with the fact of dying. Being in the hospital a couple weeks back, I was on blood thinners and I started to bleed. Badly. Like â€œoh my god, I need a doctor in here!â€ and they needed to clean my sheets immediately. I bet they always clean sheets immediately, but I’m still saying. And most of the time I felt the liquid drip down onto my chest (my arm was on my chest when it started to bleed), I didn’t moan to my mom to get a nurse. […]

3/20/2013 1 comment

Just a Little Child

by Domino Jays 3/9/2013

written by Domino Jays

At one point we all are. From 5 going on 15 or 50 going on 5, at one point we need our kiddish selves as a sort of comfort. For example. A young man, 25 years of age, is expected to take needles and stress like it’s nothing and keep on with his day with a chipper smile on his face. That’s what the public might see. To the private eyes, at home the young manÂ may be hysterical, or keep a collection of comfort toys or (dare I even say) ‘toys’.

My comfort is now. What I need comfort is from the world. My toys, my […]

3/9/2013 2 comments

I’m Pathetic

by Domino Jays 2/21/2013

written by Domino Jays

I’m a 15 year old kid named Domino with new cutting issues. I’m gay for my current sexy ass man who lives 300 miles from me, and has my forearms covered in clean cuts for him.Â I’m completely smitten with this man, yet afraid to meet him when I’m 18. I just got caught cutting again and I’m afraid they’ll put me back in the hospital. I’m ALSO getting paranoia pills and depression pills on Monday…

So how the hell am I’m so scared that I’m not giving my Gay Pride Rainbow and Peace Sign teddy bear enough attention? I’m afraid he’s going to come to […]

2/21/2013 5 comments

It Can’t Be Perfect Again

by Domino Jays 2/7/2013

written by Domino Jays

Ello. Domino speaking. Back from the hospital. And being closely monitored by a drunk dad. Hahaha. I failed once more. What is this, the 5th time? Fun.. Anyways, while I was in the hospital, I was given the ‘privilege’ of having looseleaf paper and a pencil to draw. But of course, I didn’t draw, I write. So I just slept until a dream stayed in my head, and it turned out to be one of my old memories. I feel bad for leaving you all like I did earlier, so I’m gunna type it right here for you all to know a little bit more […]

2/7/2013 2 comments

Let’s Go

by Domino Jays 1/27/2013

written by Domino Jays

You all were right. I should’ve made my ‘man’ choose earlier. But I guess it wouldn’t matter anyways. The girl he’s been dating for two years? Apparently they were engaged since September of two years ago. “Fiance Scene” it says on her site.

I’m shaking. I’m so upset, I can’t believe it. Should I believe him?.. Honestly I feel like I really am being strung along now. And like there’s no way out. I passed out my heart way too much. And look what happens. Every single time my heart just breaks a little more. And I think that this guy was my last chance to […]

1/27/2013 3 comments

Ghost

by Domino Jays 1/27/2013

written by Domino Jays

The second installment to Notepad, surprisingly. Life has just made a turn for the worse I guess.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

To Whom It May Concern:

I want to die. Suffocate myself with a plastic bag. Shoot myself in the head. Or disappear in the oncoming store and freeze myself.

Because life had just gotten so hard lately. I just feel like it’s time for me to die. Sadly my whole family is currently in the living room, so I can’t do jack about it. But it won’t stop me. Just wait.. Keep waiting… Wait wait wait…

But apparently I’ve always been waiting. So I guess this is just another day in the […]

1/27/2013 2 comments

Retirement

by Domino Jays 1/27/2013

written by Domino Jays

The first installment to the Notepad saga…. yep, that’s it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

To Whom It May Concern,

You may think of me as stupid. Ugly. Dumb for meeting my 2 best friends over the internet. Meeting the love of my life over the internet.Â Stupid for writing this, but you don’t know how I feel. Let me tell you.

Living every day is a fuckin’ chore.Â Going to school is a chore. Walking, carrying everything I need, and just being on the computer with my love is a chore. Trying to survive without him actually being here is a chore. Without the people who truly understand me. Is it such a […]

1/27/2013 0 comment

Update- Docs have Notepads

by Domino Jays 1/24/2013

written by Domino Jays

A new little ‘mini saga’ I’m starting soon I hope. Influenced by the program ‘Notepad’ that comes regularly installed on laptops and PCs. I love the damn thing so much, I use it constantly. So simply, it makes me want to cry because it’s so simple. Anyways, this little mini saga probably won’t be updated as much as the True Story saga. This is basically when I’m really thinking of suicide, and it’s basically the ‘Suicide Note’ that I would probably write at the moment. I’m experimenting, see if it will help with the venting. If it doesn’t help, then don’t expect much from the […]

1/24/2013 2 comments

Home Away From Home

by Domino Jays 1/23/2013

written by Domino Jays

I can’t believe it.

I’ve survived this long.

I’ve waited all day.

Practicallly gave up on him showing up today. But not even five minutes in of slipping into my bed to sleep, I get a text.

“Hey you,” it says, “Get on.” It’s from a restricted number. I don’t know who it is but I decide to get on anyways. I type in the password to my laptop. The fan is on low and the lights are off. It’s a common bedtime setting for me. Something to listen to so I don’t get paranoid of every little bump in the night. And the blanket to help me dream […]

1/23/2013 2 comments

Should, Could, Would

by Domino Jays 1/22/2013

written by Domino Jays

“Have you ever cheated on anyone?”

“.. Yes. I won’t hide it.”

“Would you do it again?”

“Hell no, Domino!”

“Should you ever do it again?”

“Never again.”

“Could you tell me about it if it happens? I promise I won’t get mad. I just would like to know.”

“.. Yes, my dear.”

And with that, he signs off for the night and once again I’m left alone. Tomorrow will be the last day. Last day of suffering through my own demise from a ‘withdrawal’ of my precious need. I’ve been going on and on about how much I love him, how much I need him, how much I wish to have him […]

1/22/2013 0 comment

Another Question for all you Smart-Folk

by Domino Jays 1/22/2013

written by Domino Jays

Since this whimsy little Domino can’t think for himself.

All remember my ‘Razor Sharp’ True Story? Basically, it’s about my cousin Hailey and my Dad purposely pissing me off by giving me headaches with smoking their pot/weed. Well, recently I figured out Hailey’s age; 19 years old. Can that change my chances of getting them arrested if I called the cops on them?

Also, Next True Story will be out by tonight.

1/22/2013 2 comments

Deception of a Dream

by Domino Jays 1/22/2013

written by Domino Jays

I did it. I told him I did it. I didn’t just ‘leave him a message’ on Skype. I got up, called his ass at 2 am and spoke quietly.

“Hello?”

“……………………..”

“Hello? Domino, babe?”

“……………….. I told you I’d do it..”

“Do what?.. Domino are you okay?”

“I told you I’d do it. I’d–“

“Domino, did you have to call now?.. It’s 2 am…”

“…. I’d thought I’d be safe from it all..”

“… Safe from what?”

“The thoughts.. the paranoia, the facts, everything.”

“.. Domino is someone with you in the house?..”

“……………… Just me, mi amor.”

“Domino?”

“Hm?..”

“How old am I?”

“[protection purposes, I’m not putting what I said, but I was right.]”

“Okay, so you are up, […]

1/22/2013 1 comment

A Free Rant

by Domino Jays 1/20/2013

written by Domino Jays

The last few posts were of True Stories. But this one, will be different. It’s what I’ve done and happened today. How I feel right now. And what’s going on.

Currently, I’m sitting on the edge of my couch. Law and Order SVU is on, about a Ryan and Rebecca Clifford.Â My teddy bear sits next to me. I’m listening to I’m Yours To Lose from Zeromancer. And I’m typing this (well, duh.) But a surprise. During the week of my man’s being with his girlfriend, he’s able to get on Skype. We’ve been talking for about an hour. It’s a good thing, because I was […]

1/20/2013 4 comments

Sunday Offering

by Domino Jays 1/20/2013

written by Domino Jays

Whoa boy, is it Sunday, again? It’s like this week went by so slow.

I’m not Christian, I’ll admit it. I don’t go to church, because I gave up on religion when I first tried to commit suicide when I was.. 12 I think? I can’t remember a lot. But since I’m a good little boy, I guess I can ‘offer’ up a little post from home. Just so any stuck-up Christian people that may see this don’t chew me out for ‘not going to church’ and ‘abandoning the “lord”Â ‘.

I was going to type upÂ a religious and suicidal comparison thing. But then I thought of a […]

1/20/2013 1 comment

The Right

by Domino Jays 1/19/2013

written by Domino Jays

We, as citizens, have the right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. But what if we don’t want our rights? Criminals continually wave their right to a lawyer, right to remain silent, all that good stuff. And some of them actually use it to their advantage, like smart dumbasses.

But to wave our right to life? If it’s done against our will, could it be considered murder? The definition of ‘murder’ (from dictionary.com) is the unlawful act of killing someone. Now, in my own personal terms? Murder is done against the victim’s will. Their right to life isn’t waved, just invaded… For all eternity.

But […]

1/19/2013 11 comments

Help I’m Alive

by Domino Jays 1/18/2013

written by Domino Jays

By Metric.

But that’s not the point.

The point is, I’m here to tell people that getting into a fight with your mom is NOT fun. When you and her boyfriend are in a ‘play-fight’ blend all day, and when he starts hitting you with a box. She yells at you to stop? Does that make any sense? He hits you, she yells at you to stop? Someone tell me if that’s wrong, or if it’s just me.

Yeah, so fighting with my mom made the start of my hiatus g haywire, so I’m just going to not go on any other site but this one. Because I […]

1/18/2013 2 comments

Update- A Question for all those with Relationship Experience

by Domino Jays 1/17/2013

written by Domino Jays

There’s no fancy title today, unlike the Wrecked-It-Domino parody I did of Wreck-It-Ralph last update post.

Lo siento.

But anyways, tomorrow starts the week long vacation from my computer. I’m trying to make some VERY big decisions in my life currently. Mainly, the male I’m with (Yes, MALE, not female, homophobics.) currently is going away. The thing is.. For 2 years he’s been with a young lady in Conneticut, a long distance relationship. She’s going over to his home for the next 6-7 days. For 6 months, he’s been with me as well. I’m now allowed to see him until I’m 18, or get my liscense (won’t […]

1/17/2013 10 comments

Razor Sharp

by Domino Jays 1/17/2013

written by Domino Jays

In my last little ‘True story’ I wrote, I talked of a girl named Ashley. She was once a very beautiful tomboy brunette in elementary school. By high school, Ashley was replaced by a girl who is sex- crazed and drug addicted. She tried to get me in trouble, by trying to get me to go to the mall for homecoming tux. I ended up not going, and it was a good decision not to go.

Anyways, this story is about weed/pot (I can’t tell the difference between them.), my dad, and my cousin. Because I hate my cousin so, I’ll use her real name; Hailey.

A […]

1/17/2013 4 comments

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