i want to rip my skin off, i hate existing alone like this. i know i’m never going to get better, never going to be real, never going to live a normal, real life, never going to be a happy person. i should die before i keep feeling like this.
every weekend i try to reach out to people. every weekend i fail and realize how badly i need to die. everyone else’s lives are so much more full than mine, i will always be alone because I’m not real, not a whole person, not complete.
I wish I could beat happiness into my fucking skull. There’s only room for one sad person in this family and my brother got the slot first. They say if he doesn’t get better by January they’ll put him in the hospital, my mom looks at me like I’m supposed to fix him and I wonder what “getting better” means.
I can’t die and I can’t live.
i don’t know what to do. i know i can’t depend on my friends because then i’m codependant, i can’t depend on my family because then i’m ruining their lives i can’t depend on myself because i’m not a real person, i never learned how to function, i’m fucked up, every moment is spent thinking about how i want to die but i can’t tell anyone because the fact that they continue to think that i’m happy is so much more important
i wish i could just try. things would be better if i could just make an attempt.
is it possible to get better? or are we all ruined destroyed and broken
i know people wanted me gone but i have nowhere else to say this
i feel dead. i don’t recognize myself anymore. i can’t sleep. I’m so tired
reading a lot of posts on here lately (i’m around, even if i don’t comment, i don’t like trying to offer advice when i don’t have any), seems like some of this site has degenerated into the petty bullshit that communities always do. just goes to show that even the most superficial of relationships break down in destructive ways. there’s no point in trying to connect with anyone, really.
anyway i noticed that most people say that this is a community of people who are at their end… people who have made multiple attempts, people who have been with depression for a long time. now i […]
my brother gets help, he screams that he wants to die and punches the wall and they put him on meds, pay attention to the meds and see if they’re working, give him anti-anxiety pills, send him to counseling, get him a psychiatrist, get him fixed, push and pull his brain until it doesn’t try to kill him everyday and all he does is hate us for it every day
years ago i said i wanted to die, i said it really quietly and my mom screamed that if she ever heard me say it again she would have me institutionalized
i want them all to think […]
I posted here awhile ago, left for a bit partially because i never made any meaningful connections but mostly because I had forced myself to be happy, my brother is now also suicidal and i care more about him getting better than me having genuine emotions.
The important thing is i’ve come to a conclusion. There is no point in living. We convince ourselves that there is, that we’ll be happy or that we’re doing it for someone else, but that’s not true. Everyone we love will die. Everything that makes us so fleetingly happy will pass. Only emptiness stays, all other emotions are momentary and […]
I found this site awhile back on one of my endless google searches for “suicide” and the like, and I’ve been putting off joining and posting until I had a more concrete idea of how the rest of my life was going to play out.
Now I know that it isn’t going to play out for very much longer. I’ve known for as long as I can remember that I would kill myself eventually, I’ve never been really, truly happy and have never had the help or the will to get better, so it really was just a matter of how long it would take my […]