Nothing much to say

I found this site awhile back on one of my endless google searches for “suicide” and the like, and I’ve been putting off joining and posting until I had a more concrete idea of how the rest of my life was going to play out.

Now I know that it isn’t going to play out for very much longer. I’ve known for as long as I can remember that I would kill myself eventually, I’ve never been really, truly happy and have never had the help or the will to get better, so it really was just a matter of how long it would take my energy to dwindle to nothing. I have no passions and my friends have been taken away from me by a mother who loves me so much but can’t understand that I am growing older and want desperately to have a say in my own future. (I am almost 21) I failed this semester in school because I couldn’t get out of bed to go to class. I have always been a reasonably good student so this failure has all but destroyed one of the few remaining good things in my life. Because of this semester I will likely be in a school that I hate for at least another two hideously expensive years. I will never achieve my dreams, again in large part due to the extreme drop in my GPA after this semester. I have nothing to look forward to except more migraines, all day, at least once a week, for the rest of my life.

I have decided that, most likely, I will attempt to make it until my 21st birthday, where I will get to see my friends for one last time.