I think I’ve figured it out. Well, sort of. What I mean is how I can go through life with this constant desire to die, but never the will to. It’s not that I want to be dead, it’s that I want life to go away. I want to live a life that is as close to being dead as possible, while still being alive. Does that make sense? Of course not. I just hate life and the feelings that life gives me, but I still want to be around to wish it would go away. But I guess life stripped of the troubles of […]
Does it ever happen to anyone that this shit just comes out of the blue? It does for me, every couple of months, weeks, for no reason, I just get this overwhelming desire to die. If I’m lucky, it only lasts a couple of weeks, but sometimes it goes on for months. It doesn’t matter what’s going on in my life, because at those times, nothing matters, all I can think of is just putting an end to myself. I walk by rivers, I think about drowning, I walk by trees, I think about hanging, I look at a knife, and there’s another sweet death […]
I sort of don’t want to write here, because whenever I read other people’s posts, I realise that I have so little to really complain about. But, at the same time, I just find it so hard to continue living my life. Again, and I know lots of people write this, but I don’t really want or expect any kind of comments on this post, I just need to say these things, because I have no one else to say them to, and I’m tired of the same shit just cycling around my head all day and all night. So here I go, getting it […]
Hey,
I haven’t posted here before. Actually, I feel a bit out of place among all the angst-filled teenagers and people who have real problems and shit like that. What’s my problem? Hard to put down in words, I guess, though I spend a lot of time trying to do it. I’m 33, I’ve lived a comfortable, middle-class life with kind, if emotionally-distant, parents. Did well enough at school. Went on to university. Expected to “achieve” something. But, really, something was wrong from the start. I write this, because, I don’t know, maybe there are other people in my situation out there. But, I don’t know, I […]