Author

TwistedSpace

Hello, As with everyone else, I'm sure. I've led a very difficult life, and still struggle with a few aspects of them. I first attempted suicide when I was very young during a period of sexual abuse. But being the rational person that I am, I realized that what I had together would never work the way I wanted. I have this fantasy of how I want to die - since you only get one shot at it, of course. I didn't want to mess it up! I have slip-ups now and then, and mentally I haven't completely recovered from what happened to me when I was younger. As a result; I suffer from a few disorders; Agoraphobia, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, and Insomnia; all of which affect my daily life. Family also has a large impact in my life. Most of them have abandoned me, and the other half constantly fight among each other; continuously making the worse decisions, which ultimately contributes towards how depressed and closed-in I can be. Anyway, that's a little about what I've been through. Hopefully it isn't overboard, I tend to lose myself when I type.

I’m Suicidal Again

by TwistedSpace 10/9/2014

written by TwistedSpace

Yep. There was a chance for me in April where I could have died from cyanide poisoning. As painful as that would have been, I’d be dead right now. My suffering would have ended there. I hate myself for not doing it, for not taking the chance I had.

I thought I could make a life for myself, for my Grandmother’s sake at the very least, but things have gotten worse since then. I’m making excuses, whatever. I want out right now. I’m going to try again tonight. It should work if I’m serious enough.

In case it does work; I bid thee farewell.

10/9/2014 18 comments

Girl, I Feel It In My Heart. You’re the One For Me. <3

by TwistedSpace 9/28/2014

written by TwistedSpace

So there’s this woman I *REALLY* like. We have a ton of things in common, too. It only sucks that I met her a month and a half ago. I feel like I’ve been there through her entire life — I wish I had been there though her life. It would make how I feel about her a bit more rational.

Ugh, I feel weird about liking her. I as I said, it’s only been a month since I met her. I saw this picture of her, and I swear to the gods above it was love at first sight for me. I wanted to know […]

9/28/2014 2 comments

I’m Very Ugly. See?

by TwistedSpace 9/25/2014

written by TwistedSpace

Someone on this forum told me that I look like a man with long hair.

That’s how ugly I am. People can’t even tell that I’m a woman. 🙁

Behold the horrible man-woman! T~T

9/25/2014 22 comments

Hug Thread

by TwistedSpace 9/25/2014

written by TwistedSpace

Snuggle up with me here on this thread of amazing wonders!

Tell me moments where you needed a hug the most, and let me know who you would like to hug next. I’m crying as I type this, I’m crying with happiness. I love each and every one of you. You all give me lots of hope, and now I want to listen to all of your problems. It’s my way of saying, “Thanks for tolerating me!” (^^)

(I’m not leaving this forum. Not unless the administrator […]

9/25/2014 9 comments

An Apology

by TwistedSpace 9/23/2014

written by TwistedSpace

I’m deeply sorry to those I have hurt. I hope that someday you’ll forgive me.

9/23/2014 28 comments

Dear Administrator,

by TwistedSpace 9/22/2014

written by TwistedSpace

“…No Hate”

There’s a few people who are hating me based on something they weren’t there to witness for themselves — they weren’t there, yet they take the word of a woman who is obviously trying to hurt me for how honest I was.

Honesty. I’m brutally honest with everyone I encounter on this forum, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. I expect that everyone here is tired of being patronized, bullied, and abused overall by their public. Someone like me should be like a cool breeze on a hot summer day. Not treated like filth. There hasn’t been any evidence of what she claimed […]

9/22/2014 89 comments

Butterfingers Are Yum!

by TwistedSpace 9/21/2014

written by TwistedSpace

They get stuck in my teeth and the yummy goodness stays in my mouth for awhile after I’ve eaten one! I was going to make a poem about them, but I’m not very poem-savvy. Awwah! 🙁

9/21/2014 9 comments

My Ex Thinks I’m Psychotic

by TwistedSpace 9/17/2014

written by TwistedSpace

I decided to break my silence and apologize to my ex-Boyfriend for being such an overwhelming ***** to him on the day of our breakup. He told me that it’s okay, that he knows I have a mental condition. Mind you, he’s not basing this on anything other than his disdain for me. I was like whatever, though. He isn’t the first to assume I had something wrong with me, so I decided I wouldn’t let it ruin my time with him.

He began to tell me about some app — something that let’s you create an anime thing of yourself. Y’know, he would harp on […]

9/17/2014 4 comments

I Like Cough Syrup (^-^)

by TwistedSpace 9/15/2014

written by TwistedSpace

Gel pills are the best because they taste like nothing, and it’s the more adult way of doing it (whatever that means, huehuehue!). They take me to another world, they make me feel innocent and kind – like a little girl, and ignorance is total bliss when you’re someone like me. 🙂

9/15/2014 8 comments

I Like Soups and Salads <3

by TwistedSpace 9/13/2014

written by TwistedSpace

They’re the yummy that tickles my tummy! 😀

9/13/2014 4 comments

Psychotic Tossing and Turning

by TwistedSpace 9/10/2014

written by TwistedSpace

I can’t sleep. My Grandmother makes it sound so simple. “How can’t you sleep? Turn everything off and lay down!” Gee, thanks Gran, haven’t tried that one before! She means well, though. So I listen to her long enough for her to feel comfortable enough to leave me alone before I resume doing whatever it was I was up to before she entered my room.

I’m a schizophrenic. People avoid me when they find out about it, they think I’m so crazy. They’re usually the people I’d avoid anyway – the people who barely know you but pretend they do based on the rumors they hear […]

9/10/2014 7 comments

Transgender Debate

by TwistedSpace 9/6/2014

written by TwistedSpace

On PlayStation Network I made an account called TransGirly. I intended it as sort of a beacon – other people who were either Transgender or questioning such could message me if they ever saw me on PlayStation Home and add me as a friend. There’s always strength in numbers, and that’s what I was going for. To have a circle of friends who could depend on one another if they needed it.

Today while I was on Home, two people approached me. They had club tags that read [<3 Jesus]. One of them began preaching to me about the rapture, how it was upon us, and […]

9/6/2014 10 comments

Dream Time Machine

by TwistedSpace 9/4/2014

written by TwistedSpace

I’ve been having these dreams for awhile now. I’ll be in a certain time period of my life. Last night I had a dream that I was in the year 2004 again. Everything was so vivid. I was able to see my 8-year-old self. How full of life she was, how innocent she was, how much she admired her father, and loved her grandmother, how annoyed she would be by her sister, even then. My dream became lucid halfway through, and I ran into this bathroom. I tried looking at myself in the mirror but I couldn’t see my reflection, I tried to wash my […]

9/4/2014 2 comments

Penelope

by TwistedSpace 9/3/2014

written by TwistedSpace

That’s my name, and I think it’s wonderful. x)

That’s all I have to say. Um. Yep!

9/3/2014 3 comments

Picture of a Thousand Memories

by TwistedSpace 9/3/2014

written by TwistedSpace

I saw an updated photo of my ex. I kind of miss him. I wish things were like they were before – when we actually got along. When we weren’t at each others throats. I loved him, and while seeing that picture of him today, I realized I still do. It makes me regret what I said about his mother that much more. I didn’t mean it, but it was still a low blow. He was mad at me at the time – we were fighting about something, and he said something that had offended me. I don’t remember what it was, it must have […]

9/3/2014 8 comments

First Day Blues!

by TwistedSpace 9/2/2014

written by TwistedSpace

Today was my first day of school. I was really worried about how everything would turn out. It’s not the worst school in the world, but there are some really messy situations you can find yourself in if you aren’t careful. I’m usually pretty safe, but there are kids who are in local gangs, and it doesn’t take much to piss them off. One kid was beaten up for wearing a wristband that was a rival gang color, and he wasn’t even in a gang! I’m happy there’s a uniform code this year.

Anyhow, things were better than I thought they would be for the most […]

9/2/2014 17 comments

I’m an Odd Person

by TwistedSpace 9/1/2014

written by TwistedSpace

Yep. Maybe it’s because I have so many things wrong with me. I’m not hiding behind them, I like to think not, anyway. I’m true to my feelings, and am kind of brutal sometimes. Usually, I say what’s on other people’s minds. I feel bad. I can’t figure myself out. I’m mean to those who intimidate me, and sometimes, I’m just mean for no reason – usually when I’m manic – which is no excuse. I don’t forgive those who have hurt because I’m afraid they’ll only do it again. I’m afraid. I’m afraid of everything. I wish I was pre-rape me. I was super […]

9/1/2014 6 comments

Okay, I’m Sowwy! :’C

by TwistedSpace 8/31/2014

written by TwistedSpace

I didn’t mean to seem so coldhearted. I actually love every one of you as you love me. It makes me cry to realize that I’m so mean to you guys. Please forgive me! Oh, and please don’t ban me. :3

8/31/2014 65 comments

I’m Not Very Intelligent

by TwistedSpace 8/30/2014

written by TwistedSpace

I wish I was a Blonde, that way I’d have something to match my stupidity down to a tee. I feel that people wouldn’t expect as much from me if they saw I was Blonde. I also wish I was a trust fund baby who didn’t need to work a day in her life. I wouldn’t mind taking shit for it, because I’d be too rich to care. People say I can be pretty smart, but I don’t see it. My grammar sucks; I don’t know a thing about it, honestly. I just repeat what I see from reading. And about reading, it takes me […]

8/30/2014 6 comments

I’m an Ugly Duckling

by TwistedSpace 8/27/2014

written by TwistedSpace

I guess I was destined to be this ugly. In my last post, I mentioned wanting to punch my mirror into a bunch of tiny pieces. Part of that has to do with how unbearably ugly I feel. In my opinion, I look like a monkey. My ex called me a trap, which is a term for Tran people who look completely believable as their desired gender. I don’t know. Others say I look cute, gorgeous, like a model, even. I just don’t see it. What do you think?

8/27/2014 14 comments

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