It’s my birthday. 1 year left.
I’m so depressed. Shedding some blood on Halloween seems appropriate. I hope at least some of you are. having a good time. You deserve to be happy. Even if only for a moment. Mothers, tell your children not to do as I have done….
I keep thinking about cutting again. I haven’t done it in several years. But something should make me feel better. The surrogate relationship I’m trying to let happen only makes me feel worse. Fucking virgins. I got out of the cherry chasing game a long time ago. Why cant she see that I will destroy her? I never cut for the pain. I have a high pain tolerance so it doesn’t really hurt much. I just like watching the blood. Watching the life trickle out of me. Watching it course down my skin until it drips. Wishing I was selfish enough to let out all […]
I don’t really know what to say. I’ve gotten so used to saying nothing to people because they don’t want to hear about what’s on my mind. And because I’m afraid of the consequences. The psych ward is no fun. Jail is no fun. I’m never going back to either. I used to cut. Pro tip: if anyone asks about the marks, just lie, even if it’s not believable. They won’t challenge you on it because they don’t want to deal with it. Fortunately the scars have faded with time and I have hairy arms so nobody ever notices unless I show them. My […]
The standard advice for suicidal people is to reach out to someone. And yet it is our relationships with those we care about most that seem to steepen the slope of our depression. Girl problems, boy problems, family problems. It really really pains me how many children are depressed and suicidal. When I was a teenager I could at least tell myself i was young and that there was time and life would get better. But it didn’t. I just have more pain and more guilt and more cynicism. I. just can’t seem to relate to anyone. Some time back i promised myself I […]
I like it when my roommate leaves me home alone, because then I can cry in peace.