The standard advice for suicidal people is to reach out to someone. And yet it is our relationships with those we care about most that seem to steepen the slope of our depression. Girl problems, boy problems, family problems. It really really pains me how many children are depressed and suicidal. When I was a teenager I could at least tell myself i was young and that there was time and life would get better. But it didn’t. I just have more pain and more guilt and more cynicism. I. just can’t seem to relate to anyone. Some time back i promised myself I would wait until i was 30. Seemed like a nice round number and more than long enough to find something to make life bearable. But 385 days seems like such a long time still to go and the waiting gets harder every day.
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They don’t understand. They don’t understand how their bewilderment and their exasperation that we keep feeling this way pulls us apart even further, how every “you just need to find something to live for” is actually one more nail in the proverbial coffin. Maybe, in the end, the only people who can “save” us are others who want to die just as much.
The only thing that keeps me going is guilt and what kind of a way is that to live? My Dad’s mom killed herself days before my parents were to be married and it broke both of them. I hate to do that to them again. Funny how everyone says live life for yourself. Until you’re suicidal, then it’s live for your loved ones. It’s a cruel joke.
Hey censoreddream, sorry that you’re feeling so cut off from everyone around you. It’s hard, people in the “real world” seem to see everything with rose tinted glasses. They can’t even begin to imagine our perspective on life, and when that comes from those close to us…well…
I’m glad that you decided to wait a little longer, even if it seems hopeless and long. Maybe you will find something, you never know I suppose. If you ever want to talk/rant/etc, feel free to email me. I’ll be around to listen, though I can’t say I’m great at providing advice.
Anyway, hope you feel a little better today
You’re right the ”reach out to someone” doesn’t really help. I’ve reached out and my doctors basically gave up on me. They told me ”there is nothing more we can do for you”. Also interpersonal relationships are what brings us down. I also told myself to wait until 30 but three more years of agony is more than I can bear
I was just thinking the same thing the other day….at least when I was younger there was still hope..but now that I’ve gotten older I’ve lost all that hope and I know how my story will end…not so happily ever after.
I think that the reason why we relate our angst to people we love is because they are the ones with the power to hurt us. Their opinions matter to us. Their support are the ones we crave. Their strength is our strength. When they take this away or hurt us unintentionally, (or intentionally) it makes it all the more painful.
I have a similar problem. I keep thinking, they should do this and this and this. Love me for me, protect me, console me. If not them, then who?
But I think it works both ways. Which is why I’m terrified of making promises.