Author

TheRoadSoFar

I feel totally empty

by TheRoadSoFar 6/14/2014

written by TheRoadSoFar

I have always tried to mean something to someone, but in the end I end up meaning nothing to everyone. I started to notice that I’m like the “backup” friend. The one who is always ignored except when someone needs a favor. The one who doesn’t exist except when someone needs help. The worst part is that I do it expecting something more than a simple “thank you”.

It’s not the first time I’ve felt like this, but I can’t get over it. When I help someone, I exist for somebody for just a few moments. I guess that’s why I keep doing it. But it’s […]

6/14/2014 29 comments

I suck at life

by TheRoadSoFar 5/23/2014

written by TheRoadSoFar

Here I am, once again, depressed. Reality finally caught me and punched me hard in the face. But this time, I have nobody to talk about it. I’m so complicated, people get sick and tired of me. I mean, people don’t really care for me. And when there’s someone who actually does, I wish that person didn’t. It’s stupid isn’t it? I need help, but I push aside everyone who tries to help. And I say “tries” because I’m such a fucking mess and I’m the only one who understands myself, and still, I can’t figure out who am I. And if I can’t figure […]

5/23/2014 4 comments

Little about me

by TheRoadSoFar 4/20/2014

written by TheRoadSoFar

Don’t read this if you don’t want to, you probably have better things to do.

I’m a 15 year old boy. I haven’t been diagnosed with depression but it’s not necessary. I’ve been depressed since I was 11. I started cutting a year ago. I feel worthless and alone all the time.

It was when I was 11 that I found out how easy is for people to use you when they need something and then forget you immediately. It was when I was 12 that I found out how your “friends” talk shit about you at your back and criticize you in your face. People […]

4/20/2014 2 comments

I can’t go on

by TheRoadSoFar 4/7/2014

written by TheRoadSoFar

I feel this weird combination of hate and depression. I hate everyone else, yet I feel depressed every time I see them (my “friends”). What hurts me the most is the fact that nothing really really bad has happened to me, yet I feel very depressed and sad. I shouldn’t. There are people who are in a worst situation than me. But I can’t get over that feeling. I feel alone, yet maybe I’m not. Maybe I should be happy, but I don’t feel happy. I feel really sad.

I’ve been told like a million times things like “Get over it. I think you’re the one […]

4/7/2014 3 comments

Why do I feel alone?

by TheRoadSoFar 3/30/2014

written by TheRoadSoFar

I mean, I may have friends. Maybe people out there care for me, but I’m very overhelmed by sadness that I can’t see it, or believe it. Still, being with my “friends” is nothing, I feel alone with them, I feel alone without them… I’m such a mess. I don’t deserve these people. Some care on their own different way, but I can’t see it. I sound like an attention seeker don’t I? I’m not. Seriously.

Still, every single person I have met has hurt me in one way or another. Maybe I’m too sensible. I don’t know. I’m a goddamn disaster. I feel worthless. […]

3/30/2014 1 comment

Am I stupid?

by TheRoadSoFar 3/25/2014

written by TheRoadSoFar

I ask this because, maybe I do have friends, but I feel more and more alone each day. I separate myself from them. I try to be somebody for everyone in my classroom, but they just ignore me. I try to do something to impress anyone and feel like I exist, but I fear failure. I have never been able to do anything worthy. I’m so useless.

Please don’t judge me, it’s just that I can’t talk to anyone about this because they will only say I’m an attention seeker. I’m sorry 🙁

3/25/2014 3 comments

I’m scared

by TheRoadSoFar 3/20/2014

written by TheRoadSoFar

Probably I have made the worst mistake in my life. I trusted in somebody. I told him that I cut. Things just got worse. He told a girl, and this girl couldn’t keep it a secret neither. Now the rumor is spreading like cancer in school.
I’m scared. I don’t know what will happen if a teacher knows, if my parents know… I need help please. I need someone I can trust. I feel more alone than ever. Now I feel more suicidal… maybe that’s the answer.

3/20/2014 4 comments

Help me

by TheRoadSoFar 3/7/2014

written by TheRoadSoFar

Please, I have no reasons for staying alive. The problem is I’m either too coward to commit suicide or too stupid for believing something good will happen to me.
What should I do? I have no real friends, everyone just talks to me when they need something. I’m good at nothing but school, and that’s not even worthy. My parents don’t support me. I feel my life is a waste. I feel like thrash. My only real friend is in a worst situation than me. If she dies, I’ll have no real reason to be alive.

The worst part is how people tell me “You just […]

3/7/2014 2 comments

You know…

by TheRoadSoFar 2/25/2014

written by TheRoadSoFar

It’s amazing what a smile can hide.
It’s amazing how much someone can suffer.
It’s amazing how even the little things affect me to the point of getting depressed.
It’s amazing how people are always happy and they don’t even notice how bad I feel.
It’s amazing how easy is for everyone to say “It gets better” when you know it doesn’t.
It’s amazing how easy is for people to talk to me when they need something and then forget me 2 seconds later.
It’s amazing how easy is for people to say “You’re not alone” when deep inside I feel like I am.
It’s […]

2/25/2014 3 comments

Give me a reason

by TheRoadSoFar 2/23/2014

written by TheRoadSoFar

I’m sick and tired of being alive. Give me a reason not to die. And please, that reason can’t be “Things get better” etc. All of that is bullshit. I don’t believe in that.
I’ve been said things like “You can’t love others if you can’t even love yourself”. I have just a few friends, but none of them understands how I feel. Everyone but one person. She’s like my last reason to be alive. She has suffered a lot more than me, but she takes the time to listen to my problems. One day I know I will lose her. One day I know […]

2/23/2014 6 comments

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