Well, today my mama would have been 59, she died over 2 years ago. Supposedly from Alzheimer’s. I think she went crazy, and the medication helped kill her. I have nobody, she was my best friend. I find myself forgetting, and thinking “I gotta call my mama”, then I remember all over again. This wasn’t my plan, and I know it’s selfish of me, but I tried and almost succeeded to take my life in 2006. I just want to not exist. Happy Birthday, mama, and I hope the party goes on in Heaven.
Tika
Tika
I'm from Kernersvile NC, I'm 37, single, no children, no family, unemployed/retired stripper. Looking for friendship, love, whatever....a little happiness.
I have this obsession with the number 23, I always think I’m gonna die on the 23rd… or when I see the number, something bad is gonna happen. I’m leery of posting anything right now. And, I’m embarrassed for even bringing it up. But, I’m going even more insane than I already am. Does anybody else have this OCD? As far as suicide at this moment, I don’t know how I feel, just that a few people around me are agitating the fuck out of me and could possibly drive me to hurting myself. I already have the potential, […]
I take this chance to tell you all things real
These things tend to take over when it’s all that you feel.
Deep down inside
It hurts to my soul
But before it’s too late
It seems you must know.
These selfish lies,
Convincing me they are true,
Only make me leery of every believing you.
All this heartless lying,
Insisting you are true,
None of it is real,
Only now
I see through you.
If you love me so
It’s best not to lie.
If it’s habit you must break,
Then harder you should try.
I know you say you love me,
And know […]
All these doubts stabbing fiercely at my heart,
Cutting me
Tearing me
Ripping me apart.
I question if you love me
And even if you care,
But ask of you, shamefully,
I wouldn’t ever dare.
Intention may not have it,
Selflessness I do not heed,
But do you have a purpose
For leaving my soul to bleed?
Gray, I have many poems. But this one I wrote the day I graduated high school.
All these doubts you said would heal
But time just can’t undo
the humility, pain, and torment
I was obviously going through.
I hesitated to pull the trigger
But with the gun up to my head
I fell back onto my pillow
I laid there and I bled.
All the drugs I was thinking
Simply wouldn’t ever do,
So daddy,
Here it is, the gun I took from you.
I’m sorry, but as usual I’m feeling sorry for myself. I’m all alone. I used to be somebody.