i had the best night out. no drinking involved but after working for weeks without much of a break i was so happy to just get on the dance floor and just go with the music. it was so relaxing. not caring what anyone thought just going with it. i just closed my eyes and felt the music. one of the best nights of my life.
It’s funny not many people ask about my scars. But today someone i worked with saw them and asked. I actually stumbled over my words. I didnt know how to answer. Reading back over that, not funny. But you all know what i mean. Anyway I made some excuse about them being caused by me fallig off a motorbike at my cousins house. Which i do have one scar from. On my thigh. I know she didnt beleive me because of how they are positioned and some are new. And the fact that I told her it was nothing to start off with. Any suggestions […]
i am getting so emotional. stressing out over not getting things done when i want them done. i want to cry all the time for no reason…. i keep trying to remember my meds but when i stress i forget. which makes things worse. i don’t know what to do.
so today was good. i walked in, did my job and everything was right with the world. even though my boss hasn’t said anything, he atleast, even though he again was in a bad mood, made it a point to have fun with me. we got along fine. respect is still something that is going to have to be earnt as i still am quite pissed at his actions, but i have in a way forgiven him. i still have dark niggling feelings that threaten to push me towards the edge, but when i am focused on other things i can push them aside for […]
second post for today.
i am so tired and yet i tried to sleep, i couldnt. i sorta just lay there staring at nothing. closing my eyes hoping sleep would come over me. but nothing. i used to sleep so well. well better. i would just dirft off quickly and that would be it, nothing until my alarm went off the next day. now i get less and less. sunday night, i got 4 hours. monday, about the same, tuesday 2 hours and wednesday (now) i am just staring off into space. my sleep deprevation comes from being stressed and i can’t minimise it unfortunately. but […]
back again. this actually helps. so went to work today. didn’t want to. not after yesturday. not after my boss yelled at me and embaressed me in front of everyone. i thought how bad can he be today. turns out, not bad. except that…. he didn’t acknowledge what he did yesturday. no apology no anything. i used to have so much respect for him. i looked up to him, he is an awesome vet and surgeon. and i respected that and him. but now i have none left for him. he treated me like crap and did not apologise or give a hint of remorse, […]
i don’t know why i decided that writing everything down was a good idea. let along on the internet. i guess on here nobody knows who i am and its not somewhere where somebody from my end can find it.
i am a selfharmer/suicidal. have been since i was about 16. i am now nearly 20. it started when my bestfriend died in a car accident. i started self distructing a couple months later. i could not get over her death. then somebudy noticed, a teacher, he threatened to go to the school welfare co-ordinator unless i talked to him. so i chose to talk to […]