I’ve had a thought in my head recently. It is so fucking easy to take your own life. I mean I have migraine meds and alcohol, I have knives I have cords I have a car, a toaster and bathtub, and I own two guns. I can’t shake the feeling that I’m going to be the one to finally kill me. Lately I’ve been smoking more than a pack a day because it makes me feel something. My wife seems to hate me and keeps talking g about leaving me to go home to Missouri. I just want to be numb.
I haven’t been on the site in a long time mostly because I was feeling much better, but lately I can really feel myself coming back down, hard. I listened to an old 90’s song that I used for the title of this post and with every verse I just felt myself wanting to die a little bit more. I feel like everything I do ends up wrong in the end. I know my depression makes me feel useless and that everything is my fault but it’s getting harder to convince myself that I’m wrong.
My nightmares are coming back. I keep seeing Lcpl […]
I’ve dabbled at looking at posts on this site before. I have to say there is a lot of strength and a lot of pain by those that post. I don’t particularily know why I’m posting this, I guess I just need to tell someone with an outside opinion.
I’m a Marine veteran who has done two deployments to Afghanistan. I’ve seen some things and done things that will haunt me until I die and the people I try to reach out to never fully understand it. I’ve been out of active duty for over a year now and all I feel is regret. […]