tuesdayblues

maybe one day I’ll dance in a kitchen of my own. There might even be someone who will dance with me. Maybe their day will improve when they’re with me, and their eyes might light up when they see me. They might remember all the little things that I’ve told them about me, and some that I haven’t even voiced. We might bring out the best in each other, and even tolerate some things we hate just to see the other happy. And when that person inevitably doesn’t exist, maybe I’ll finally be able to forgive myself for being unloveable.

When is it my turn to feel loved? Everyone I’ve ever known has chosen someone else over me. I just want to know that I can make someone’s day brighter and that they want to do the same for me. The only person who makes me feel loved anymore is my mom, and that’s just not enough, especially given that she is often toxic and heightens my anxiety. All I’ve wanted for the past three years is to find a best friend or boyfriend, someone my age that will make me feel special. I haven’t even come close– I’ve been stood up on every date […]

I feel like no one appreciates or understands me. I’m an extremely loyal person, and stick with my friends long past when I should because I hate conflict and I don’t want to be a burden. I try to show my appreciation for them through listening intently to their problems, buying them gifts, complimenting them, etc. None of them have reciprocated, and most of them have left. I don’t understand why, or what I might have done to push them away.

My best friend never reciprocates. I drive her wherever she wants, plan activities and get all the supplies for us, think of thoughtful gifts […]